The Kids Aren't Alright
by Sam Ichijoji
Summary: Hikari gets a text from Daisuke out of the blue which sets in motion a sequence of events which will drag her to the edge of destruction. Set nine years after '02, the chosen children are not as close as they once were, but why? Originally posted on my (now inactive) Facebook Page "Sam Ichijouji's Ghost"
1. 1 Shimmer

I walked down the street; cold and alone.

I didn't want to be here, there were too many memories, memories that reminded me of a past so close, yet so, so far away. Walking through Hikarigaoka again I remembered that night, the night which had brought about my destiny, and the destiny of the other seven. The images flashed through my brain as I walked under that bridge, that bridge that I had watched them rebuild after that fateful night, that night that no one could explain.

I shook the memory from my head. I didn't want to remember what that night had led to, the wonders and perils of the years to come, and most importantly, I didn't want to remember how it had ended.

I told myself I was stupid for coming down here, because I knew I would feel this way. I knew I would remember what I had tried so hard to forget.

I knew the reason I was here. It was him. It was always him. The one guy I once would have most liked to disappear off the face of the Earth, had, and now after almost three full years of me trying to find some purpose in my life, he has to come back into it and remind me that we'd already fulfilled it.

The apartment he'd rented was in the same block as the one in which I had spent my childhood, the same one in which I'd escaped from that fateful night all those years ago.

Back then I was so scared, so nervous, so cute; I could barely talk but I still remembered that night for many a year to come. And now, even as I tried to repress it, I remembered what I found in my father's computer the night before, and the way he had come home drunk from work on that night, just as I was escaping off the balcony, whilst my brother held the door closed so that father wouldn't find out our not so little secret.

But here I was, back in the same building, gradually approaching a door that I knew would look so familiar and yet so foreign to me and I started wondering if this was what I really wanted and whether I should back out. I tried to reason with myself. I knew what would be behind the door. I would find him andwe would talk about what we needed to talk about, about where he'd been for the past three years, about why he was back. He would try and win me over, like he always had, and I would politely rebuff his attempts, like I always had. We'd talk about the past, sure, and those memories I had been trying to reject ever since would surface, but if I talked about it with him, maybe I wouldn't feel so bad about having to leave it all behind.

At least that was what I told myself anyway.

It wasn't as if I hated the guy, but he really could be quite annoying when it came to his lust for a bit of his idol's sister. I guess it had been nice though, having someone around who wanted you around them. As much as I hate to admit, I had enjoyed the attention.

I closed in on the address he'd given me in his text message. _A text message_. How could I have come all this way, knowing it would be so hard not to relive all that I wanted to forget about, just because a guy had given me a text message? I couldn't believe it, and for a second time I considered turning back, leaving him to face whatever trouble he was in on his own and stay the hell out of his life. But as soon as I heard the familiar chords of Wada Kouji pulsing through the walls of his apartment, I knew it would all be fine, it would all go as I expected and we would be friends again like we had been through Junior, Middle, and Senior School.

The song was "Target" and I knew it well, it was all over the radio in 2002, around about the time when he realised he had some competition, around about the time it all happened for a third time. I pushed open the unlocked door, I had half expected to see him waiting at the window like a faithful little puppy, but maybe he thought that if he'd waited three years to see me, he could wait a minute more.

"Daisuke," I called, as I removed my shoes, trying to make my voice heard over the speakers, "I'm here, where are you?"

Of course, being a small Japanese style apartment, I didn't have far to look. I checked the bedroom that the music was coming from first. It almost surprised me that he could sleep through the racket that was coming from the speakers not metres from his head, but then I remembered he was pretty much the same as my brother, and that meant he could sleep through anything.

I walked towards the bed, trying to glimpse his friendly face underneath his wayward arm, and gave him a little nudge. Nothing.

"Oh Daisuke, you really are just like my brother," I said softly and I smiled at his naiveté in thinking I would ever end up with someone who was almost a clone of Taichi. Deep down I love my brother, but obviously not in that way.

Wada had moved on to "Butterfly" now, but he really was starting to give me a headache so I went and shut him off halfway through his 'Woah' section.

As soon as I turned the sound system off and turned towards the sleeping man I noticed two things very quickly. The first was the complete lack of snoring, which, if he really was a clone of my brother, would most certainly be a defect in the design. The second was the large black knife handle sticking out of his back.


	2. 2 The World Has Turned And Left Me Here

It had taken much longer than I anticipated for the police to arrive, especially considering there was a station on the street, and I spent the time trying to figure out who to call.

Taichi was my first thought, he was my brother after all, and would surely know exactly what to say to calm my nerves. But I thought better of it. He was dealing with his own problems right now. He wouldn't admit it to anyone, but he did still love his childhood sweetheart, Sora. She was on tour with his best friend Yamato, the rock star. When Sora and Yamato, or Sorato as we used to call them behind their backs, had still been at school and in the same classes as Taichi, it had been a bit awkward for him, but then they had broken up and Taichi had somehow managed to convince Sora to give him a shot. It had been okay for a while, but they left each other amicably. Yamato and Taichi were still friends and Sora still hung out with them all the time and we all thought it was all in the past. That was until Sorato started back up again in the autumn of last year.

Now that they were in America with Yamato's band, Taichi couldn't third wheel like he had been, and I think the realisation that they were so serious about each other even after everything that had happened, was the real reason for his emulation of his father's relationship with the bottle.

I couldn't call Sora or Yamato either, I realised, because my phone company would probably charge me over a thousand yen per minute for an overseas call. The same went for Mimi, who had moved there so long ago that I scarcely remember having a conversation with her since the day it all ended.

I couldn't call Ken and Miyako, at least not right at this moment, for the same reason I couldn't call Taichi; they both had way too much on their plate to carry the burden of the 'first call'; what with the baby coming and all. She was eight months in, and Ken was working night and day to provide for the new addition to the Ichijouji family. I didn't want to bother him, but out of everyone he was the one I should really be telling. However he probably wouldn't be in the best mood to comfort me when I told him. Knowing Ken, he would probably be in a much worse state than me. He and Daisuke had been partners after all.

I probably should have called Jun, Daisuke's sister, but since Daisuke had left none of us really had reason to be around her. I checked my phone but I didn't have her number. I'd never really known their parents, and I didn't have their home number either. I did know that they probably wouldn't care; I had it on a reliable source that they had practically said good riddance when he'd disappeared.

Jou was finally in his last year of medical school. The problem was that this meant he was studying for finals, and had been for the past month. He was much older than me but we kept in touch more than the others would probably realise. He was very empathetic and when I had been dealing with all the Takeru business, he had proven a much wiser confidant than my brother. In deference to that service I really couldn't call him this close to his final exam and disrupt his preparation.

Obviously, calling Takeru was out of the question, and I only considered his name briefly as I scrolled through my contacts.

Why couldn't I find anyone in here to talk to? Was I really that alone that I couldn't find a shoulder to cry on? Ichiro wouldn't understand, he wasn't one of us, and despite our relationship I still hadn't told him why I was so empty inside. He had asked, but when I avoided it he let it go. He understood that I didn't want to talk about it and didn't begrudge me my one secret. He didn't know about Daisuke and I either, so I guess it was actually two secrets. I hadn't told him everything about Takeru either, so that made it three.

I hovered over his name in my contacts list. How was I going to explain to him about this? It would come out eventually, there was no point trying to hide a murder investigation from him, but the questions I knew he would ask I wasn't ready to answer. Not yet anyway.

I looked at the bedroom door; behind it was which I knew all too well. It was closed but I knew that from here I would just be able to make out the perpetually spiked maroon of Daisuke's hair, had the door still been open. Thank god he had managed to grow out of the goggle wearing stage in his life, or I think I may just have completely lost it. I pictured the knife again and how I had managed to go right up to him, so close that I could, and did, touch him, without noticing it sticking out so prominently. I couldn't even remember if he had felt cold to the touch when I tried to wake him.

How could I miss it? A big freaking handle hovering in mid-air behind the man I had last seen while he was still a boy and I hadn't even seen the thing.

I looked back down at my phone to shake the image from my head and saw another name I hadn't considered yet: Iori. I looked back at the door, thinking I'd probably get more empathy from what I knew lay behind it, than Iori. It wasn't that he was emotionless, far from it in fact, it was just that he preferred to keep those things bottled up.

I went through the names in my head again. I'd crossed off nine of the other cursed few, ten if I counted the one behind the door not ten metres away from my position at the kitchen table. We had been twelve, eight originals, and then the four additions three years later. It must have been one of the original group. I scrolled down again. '_...i, u, e, o,' _I thought to myself as I went,_'ka, ki, ku, ke, Koushiro!'_ How could I forget the guy I travelled through India and China with during that fateful Christmas nine years ago? Out of everyone he was clearly the best person to call. He knew about the history, he was a good friend, and he wasn't dealing with anything at this particular moment.

He didn't have a girlfriend so no surprise pregnancy, he wasn't a rock star (I almost smiled as I thought about it, but then I remembered where I was and why I wanted to call him and I frowned at myself instead), or neck deep in exams. He still lived with his adoptive parents who had only moved to the other side of the bridge, not the other side of the world, so no international phone call; he didn't drink and could actually, you know, talk to people without long dramatic pauses. Oh and he wasn't a complete douche.

Something made me hesitate though, I wasn't quite sure why but my finger hovered over the send button for a fraction longer than it should have, sure enough that fraction became top heavy and it became much longer than it should have.

Twelve of us from Japan and in my time of need I can only call one of them. It really was pathetic. After all we'd achieved, after all that time spent away from the real world together, I had one friend left to depend on.

Time to call.


	3. 3 What's Up?

"Daisuke is dead." I simply said.

We sat in silence for a bit. We, the four warriors of a bygone time, were all that remained of what we had once considered a tight knit group.

Koushiro: The Computer Nerd.

Miyako: The Pregnant Chick.

Iori: The Quiet One.

And me: The Shadow-Of-Her-Former-Self; all sitting around Miyako's living room, everyone drinking tea besides Iori who had managed to find some prune juice in Miyako's fridge.

I hadn't brought myself to call Koushiro that night due to the police finally turning up as I begun to place pressure on the call button. I gave them my statement, showed them the text and still couldn't come up with an adequate reason for not seeing the knife whilst trying to wake him. I think I said something about the mind seeing what it expected to see and I left it at that.

They suggested that I call a relative to pick me up, and I had realised in all my dithering that I hadn't even considered calling my mother. Slightly ashamed, I had finally broken down on the car trip home, only to have my tears stemmed in anger when I found that Taichi was back in the house, and he was still drinking from his stash.

I didn't even tell him what had happened.

I did however send an email to Mimi and Sorato, before calling the rest, minus Jou and Takeru, and asking if we could all meet at Miyako's tomorrow. They all must have known something was up by my tone, but I didn't let on, they needed to hear this face to face, not over the phone.

Ken couldn't get off work at such short notice, and Taichi was still snoring his head off when I left at midday.

I showed the three of them the text and recounted the previous night, leaving out nothing except the details of my hesitation in calling them, mainly because I knew Iori would be particularly displeased with my feelings towards him, but also because I didn't want to admit that out of everyone, Koushiro was the one I would have called.

After I had finished and everyone had gotten over the shock, Koushiro beat Miyako to asking me if I was alright. I wasn't, but I couldn't say that.

"Just a little shaken up, is all,"

"Don't you lie to me Hikari Yagami, I know you too well," It was Miyako, she may not have stood up and adopted her usual accusatory pose, but her eyes were blazing like she could see straight through me, which she could. Her face softened in self-satisfaction and she dropped her line of questioning, "Have you told Ichiro?"

I looked away from her as I answered in the negative. I could feel her eyes switch back up to full force solar radiation.

"You have to tell him, Hikari. Honesty is the pillar of a good relationship,"

Coming from a girl who managed to get knocked up a month after she officially started dating Ken, after having a major crush on him even before she met him, I couldn't help but feel a little annoyed that she was the resident expert on relationships.

"Well it's not like I can say to him that I went to have dinner with an old friend I hadn't seen in three years based off one text message I'd received only that afternoon."

"Uh, yes you can, because it would explain the fact that you found his _body_ and why the police have told you not to leave town,"

"But he wouldn't understand, we'd had a bit of a disagreement, and he just… he just wouldn't…"

"So why did you go?" It was Koushiro, changing the subject. I silently thanked him for it and I'm sure Iori did too.

"I had questions, they needed answering," I stated matter-of-factly, "Wouldn't you have had questions if you'd been the one he contacted?"

"I wouldn't have gone over there that night though," said Koushiro offhandedly, "You could have called him if all you wanted was to ask him questions,"

"Are you here to comfort me or put me on trial?" I couldn't believe that I hadn't thought about calling him back. I preferred not to think about it.

"We're here because you asked us," said Iori, the first time he'd really joined in the conversation.

"Not me, I'm here because going somewhere else would've taken too much effort," said Miyako, "Of course we're here for you, like Iori said, we're here because you asked us to be,"

"But we aren't here to comfort you," I was surprised at Iori's frankness. "How could you not tell us Daisuke was, you know... why couldn't you tell us last night?"

"I was…" I changed my mind, "that is, I thought, it would be better to tell you face to face, and I didn't want to have to have the same conversation five times over,"

"Why didn't you invite Takeru?"

I almost dropped my teacup.

"Iori!" hissed Miyako.

"He has a right to know, Hikari, he knew Daisuke just as well as everyone here, no matter what he's done since,"

"You can't say that," I said weakly.

"But you just complained that you couldn't tell Ichiro because he didn't know about everything and now you're saying you can't tell someone who does?"

Koushiro gave Iori a warning but I barely heard him; I was too busy staring at the little quiet boy who was asking me questions that even I would not dare ask myself.

"I know exactly why you can't tell Ichiro, it's the same reason you couldn't call Daisuke to ask your questions, and it all stems from the reason you can't talk to Takeru. You have got to stop blaming him for what happened three years ago. He couldn't have known what was going to happen."

There wasn't much I could say to that so I mumbled a thank-you to Miyako for her hospitality and stood up to leave.

How could he say that? Did he not know what Takeru had done, did he not realise how completely Takeru had destroyed everything we had worked for time and time again, had he forgotten my, his, everyone's sacrifices?

He didn't know how I had felt, how I still felt, about that day three years ago. How I had been almost ready, ready to give in and finally make a choice, and give in to those feelings I'd had ever since the summer it had all happened again, as childish and innocent as they had been at the time.

I had been ready to give my light to his hope, and then he went and destroyed it all. Everything I now wished to forget was destroyed in that one night and it had all been because of that stupid, idiotic Takeru.

And as for what happened later, well that pretty much ruined any chance of forgiving him.

I made it out of the door before it all came rushing back; the times spent in a world that was ours, and ours alone to enter. I remembered all the friends we'd fought to protect, the friends we'd all made for life that were gone. We'd done so much, and then it was all just gone, like it had never existed. And it had all been so simple, so easy for the gate to open, so easy for it to go unnoticed, so easy for the information to fall into the wrong hands.

I sat down and let it all out, I remembered what my Gato' had done, all the battles fought, all the pain she had suffered before she met me, all the pain she had suffered to be with me, and then the final sacrifice that she, that they all had made, and stopped the suffering forever. And I cried. I cried like it had happened yesterday, I cried because I knew that what Takeru had hoped to achieve, could have been done verbally in one sentence. I cried because Iori had sided with him, and I cried because Iori was right.

I cried because I realised I wasn't crying over the death of a friend but my own messed up life. I cried because Ichiro wouldn't understand. I cried because I was sitting alone outside my pregnant friend's apartment while she was tearing shreds off the person who had sent me out here.

I cried because it was Koushiro who had come out to comfort me, and I didn't want to talk.

I cried because out of everyone, out of the twelve of us who supposedly understood each other so well, he was the only one left I could count on.


	4. 4 I Think I Lost My Headache

By the time Koushiro had driven me home, I had calmed down enough to completely ignore any of his attempts at conversation.

I couldn't believe I'd broken down like that; was I really that insecure?

The answer was, of course, a big fat 'Yes, obviously,' but I tried to convince myself otherwise. I told myself I was under a lot of stress, and all of that had just been an overreaction because of it. I mean, I had just found a long lost friend with a knife in his back.

"Are you going to be okay?" asked Koushiro sincerely. I had to admit he pulled sincerity off better than 'Princess Mimi' ever did, but then again, I hadn't seen her much since her move to America, even with everything that was going on in that year that we thought it had all ended.

I bowed slightly, and opened up the door only to be assaulted by a mass of gravity-defying hair and a pair of eyes sporting the same look I'd seen in Miyako's earlier.

"How could you?" my brother spat as he grabbed me by the neck of my coat and pulled me closer so that I could feel the full force of his gaze, "How could you not tell me?"

"Taichi, wait-" Koushiro tried to intervene before I cut him off. I was not going to break down again. It was time to get on the front foot. No more Miss Nice Yagami.

"How could I not tell you? I'll tell you how: for the past month since Sora and Yamato left you've been in danger of having no blood left in your alcohol stream. If I'd told you last night, there was no way of knowing what you would've done. You could've killed yourself if you found out, or you could've got mad before I'd even mentioned he was dead, and tried to beat me like last week."

"Please, I raised my hand, I was never going to hit you, not then anyway,"

"I'm going to leave you two to sort this out," Koushiro interjected. So much for him being the only one left I could count on.

Taichi's eyes were still blazing, and I'm sure mine were more than matching them for intensity. Without taking his eyes or hands off me he stopped him.

"No, you're the only one stopping me from doing exactly what she thinks I'm capable of, so stay put,"

"You know what? That isn't even what I was afraid of. I was afraid you would be so upset that you would drink even more. I could handle it if you were dead," I lied, but it made my point,"but the thought of you lying in a gutter somewhere too sloshed to even remember why you started in the first place would be too much, because then our mother would be worried sick, and I'd have to go out and find you and bring you home while you hit on me because the only thing you can see is whether or not the person you are talking to has tits or not!"

"My God, Hikari, that was _one_ time!"

"I really don't need to hear this, isn't your mother home? Maybe she could come out and mediate so I don't need to go into therapy,"

"Shut up Koushiro," we both said at the same time, but Taichi was the first to strike back.

"Hikari, you can't just dismiss my entire existence because I've had a bit to drink over the past week-"

"Month, Taichi, you've been drinking too much for a month,"

"-and you can't just get everyone together behind my back and not expect me to be pissed!"

"Oh, I fully expected you to be pissed,"

"Okay that's enough, both of you inside now!"

I don't think I'd ever heard Koushiro speak that forcefully before. It stunned Taichi too, because he broke eye contact and let go of me.

"In!" Koushiro insisted. We obeyed. Koushiro and I awkwardly removed our shoes as Taichi went and found some watermelon in the fridge. Koushiro motioned toward the dinner table and told us to sit, which we did.

He took a few deep breaths before he continued.

"Now I'm not going to pretend I know everything about your intricate relationship, but I think I've known you long enough and I've certainly heard enough out there to make a couple of judgements." I went for a piece of watermelon, but Taichi pulled it away. Koushiro continued unperturbed.

"Taichi, I think Hikari has probably said all that needs to be said when it comes to your issues, the only thing I could add is that the Taichi I grew up with would have moved multiple worlds to make sure his sister was okay.

"That doesn't mean she shouldn't have told you about Daisuke, and neither of you should have lashed out at each other like that.

"Now, if you two can put aside everything for a minute, can we talk about the elephant in the room?"

I looked to Taichi, and he looked to me. We were both much calmer than before, thanks to Koushiro's outburst shocking us into submission, but neither of us could figure out what was apparently so obvious to him.

"What elephant?" I asked.

"Daisuke is dead. You, Hikari, you found the body. You called some of the group together to talk about it, yet ever since, have been arguing with Iori, and now Taichi about completely irrelevant topics,"

"What would you have to argue with Iori about?" Taichi asked me. I didn't answer.

"That's not the point; the point is that no one seems to care that Daisuke is dead. No one seems to care that someone ended his life forcefully, on the very day he decides to bring himself back into Hikari's life, and maybe even everyone's life if he'd been given the chance to. And, why, after three years away, did he decide to make contact in the first place?"

"Well, maybe he missed me..." I knew it was stupid as soon as it left my mouth, but hadn't that been my impression when I'd gotten his text? Hadn't that been one of the reasons I'd been so happy to go meet him at such short notice? Hadn't that thought been cemented in my mind all the way up to the moment I saw the handle in his back?

"But weren't you the reason he left in the first place?" asked Taichi innocently. I felt like slapping him for his idiocy.

"We, all know what happened the day we realised he'd left," interrupted Koushiro, before I could snap at my brother again, "but I wouldn't say the discussion you two had the day before was what made him leave, you can't just disappear on a whim, it takes planning and foresight,"

"Have you ever met Daisuke? He was so bull-headed he probably did vanish like it was nothing, just because you say it can't be done," said Taichi, lost in his own little reverie. I imagined the arc of my arm and the smack of palm on cheek.

"My point was that Hikari probably just made it easier for him to go, rather than actually being the reason he left, he was probably just there to say goodbye..." he trailed off obviously thinking he'd said too much. Come to think of it, though it pained me to do so, Daisuke hadn't said goodbye, he'd just said that he was happy for me and left it at that. There might just be something to what Koushiro was getting at.

"So if he didn't leave because of me then why?"

"The only person who can answer that is sitting in cold storage,"

Taichi didn't even see the slap coming.


	5. 5 Breaking The Girl

"You know I never thought he was right for you,"

"What gives you the right to say that, Koushiro?"

I was on the way to Ichiro's after accepting that Taichi and I probably needed some time apart, mainly so he could sober up and I could cool down a bit. Koushiro was taking me because it was on the way to the apartment where he still lived with his adoptive parents. I hadn't heard anything in the wind about a girlfriend, or otherwise, and to be honest I kind of thought he must be one of those people who didn't care about relationships that much.

"I don't know, I've known you for twelve years, the first three of which we were out fighting monsters and stuff, and after that I've probably been over to your house more often than everyone except maybe Sorato but you know, I think they both realised hanging out with him wasn't really helping things,"

"But what do you know about Ichiro, and how do you know what I need in a guy?"

"I'm just saying, the two guys who chased you for so long suddenly disappear from your life, by their own hand or yours, and then what, you shack up with the first loser who doesn't care an iota about your life before you met him,"

"And how do you figure that?"

"You said yourself that he wouldn't understand about Daisuke, I assumed that meant you hadn't told him about everything, if you're still insecure about it after all this time with him; maybe you should rethink it,"

I was silent for a short moment before making up my mind.

"Fine, you know what? I'm going to tell him everything about Daisuke, he'll take it like a mature human being and we'll continue our relationship being completely honest with each other, is that what you want?"

"Well at least you'll be better for it, even if you are doing it out of spite," he said as he stopped outside Ichiro's apartment block. I poked my tongue out at him as I got out of the car, but he was already on his pinePhone, texting God-knows-who. So much for the concerned friend act he'd been trying to pull.

I climbed up the forty-two stairs to Ichiro's floor, and knocked on his door. I was just going to come out and say it. Why I'd been out of touch for the past two days, why I'd snapped at him just before that and why I needed to tell him about my past.

The door opened and I was greeted by the most beautiful man I'd ever met, his jet-black hair flowed down past his shoulders and his dark eyes looked like they could see into your soul. Well, that's how I usually described him; tonight Ichiro was looking down at my shoes and his divine locks were hidden behind his neck in a ponytail.

"What are you doing here, I thought we were taking a break," he said before I could open my mouth.

"Uh, no… I was a little upset but I'm over it now," he still hadn't looked at me, and I was struggling to understand what was happening.

"Well I, I've got some stuff going on at the moment, and I just need to deal with it myself, so would it be okay if we took a step back for a bit?"

"I'm not in the best state at the moment either," not that he had asked, "but I can be there for you Ichiro, I can help you through this, if you tell me I'll listen, we can be there for each other,"

"No, Hikari," he looked at me for the first time and for the third time today I saw a look in someone's eyes that I didn't quite like. This time it was a soul wrenchingly blank look of indifference. A lump formed in my throat, "this thing it isn't something that can be talked out, whatever it is I'm sure you'll get through it, you always seem to," he tried to put a comforting hand on my shoulder, but I turned away so I didn't have to look at him anymore. "I'll call you when I'm ready again, okay?" he said with a hint of worry.

"Fine, but just so you know, I might not be there to answer."

…

I had only just managed to stem the flow of tears when I got back down to street level and I was just in time to see Koushiro's car roll off into the distance.

Why did everyone abandon me? First it was Daisuke three years ago, but I was fine with that until I abandoned Takeru and realised that Daisuke wasn't coming back. Then Jou helped me through it, he was so much older that there was no subtext in our conversations, we were purely plutonic, and I loved that. But then he really dived into his last couple of years in medical school, and again I was abandoned. But again, I was okay with it, because I soon met Ichiro and it all just clicked, we laughed, we lived, we fell in love and we waited. But all that time, Takeru and Daisuke still haunted me. How could Takeru be so blind? And how could Daisuke leave when I, when we all, needed him most?

How could he just disappear? And why? After all this time I still didn't even know why! And then I finally get a chance to find out everything, wipe out at least half of the pain that had been eating away at me for the past three years, and then he goes and gets himself killed.

Then I realise the only one left is Koushiro and he convinces me that Ichiro is the answer, only for him to turn around and drop me just when I was finally ready to tell him everything, something I'd told myself I'd only do if I completely trusted someone outside the group. And I did, I trusted him more than I'd ever trusted anyone in my whole life and he just decides he can't do it anymore. Did I really mean that little to him?

Am I that far gone? Am I beyond saving? I should just pack my bags now and jump straight back into the Ocean I'd fought so hard to escape and live there alone, with all the death and destruction weighing me down until not even those lame Crests could save me.

And just when I thought there wasn't even anyone left to abandon me, Koushiro drives off into the distance without so much as a glance in his rear-view mirror.

As if hearing my despair the night sky opened up and wept with me, as if it knew I was thinking that it couldn't possibly get any worse.

I started walking back home, to mother's, to Taichi's rehab clinic. It was only half an hour by foot and there was shelter most of the way. But right now I didn't care that I was getting soaked, it made my outside feel like my inside.

A car pulled up in front of me. A pretentious little eco car that said more about the person driving it than it did for cleaner living. Wondering about why someone with a Prius would even consider driving also made me wonder why Koushiro drove everywhere. It was an odd habit to have in Tokyo, what with the public transport system so efficient and the congestion on the roads so heavy.

"Hikari, is that you?" came the voice from the car, and I kept walking. Oh God, not now.

The car drove on and parked at the next available space. "Hikari, it's raining, I'll give you a lift," came the voice once more as I stormed past.

I completely understood the choice of car now. All 'great artists' need their causes. The car changed location once more, but this time Takeru got out and flung a heavy coat over my head.

"I'm fine Takeru, go back into your little Earth-saving bubble and leave me out here in the rain, I'm doing just fine without you," Why did I ever think that things couldn't get worse? Because whenever I do they invariably find a way to do just that.

"I was going to go see you anyway, so we may as well get it all over with now, come on I'll drive you to your mother's, get you out of this rain, and maybe we could talk a little in the car,"

"Why would you want to go and do a thing like that?" I asked, but no sooner had the words escaped my lips, two names popped into my head. Daisuke was the first, but more importantly the second was Iori. That little nuisance had gone behind my back.

"You know exactly why," I looked at him for the first time in three years, and it pleased me to see that he didn't look that great. It might have just been the rain but his hair looked more ragged than I remembered and the off-trend clothes he wore looked like he hadn't ever washed them. He had bags under his eyes, and what could have been anything between a three-day to three-month growth on his face that looked absolutely horrible. I almost felt sorry for him. Almost.

I weighed up my options. I could be stubborn and continue to walk home and have our 'conversation' later, since he was so intent on having it, or I could let him take me home and maybe the conversation would be over before we got there. Either way I didn't really feel like having the conversation at all and would have preferred it if Iori had kept his big mouth shut.

"Fine," I almost couldn't believe I'd said it, "I'll take your lift, but we aren't talking tonight, I'm tired, I'm cold and I just want this day to end."

Takeru accepted my terms and took me home. It was the lowest of lows, accepting a ride from the one person I never wanted to see again, but at least the day would be over, and tomorrow I would be able to face whatever hells Takeru was about to remind me of.


	6. 6 I'll Be There For You

I was home. I had avoided talking to Takeru. I was happy about that, but not much else.

Mother was just finishing making dinner, and I sat and ate it in silence when she served me. Taichi was in his room doing God knows what on his laptop which largely meant that I could sneak off to my room later to avoid another confrontation. We hadn't always fought, but just recently he'd become a bit overprotective and it really got on my nerves. At his age he should be so absorbed in work and finding a girl that I shouldn't even matter.

But he just wasn't up for it at the moment.

I finished dinner and escaped to my bedroom. I was tired, I'd told my mother, it had been a long day.

I turned my laptop on and lay down on my bed. What could I do to take my mind of things? I briefly looked over at my pinePod. Nope, listening to music would definitely not help.

I didn't really want to talk to anyone, but I checked into Skype anyway. No messages there.

I checked my email. Mimi had sent her heartfelt condolences at the news of Daisuke's death, but the message was short and I could tell that it wasn't really going to affect her for more than maybe an hour. She always had much more important things to do than keep in touch with all of us. There wasn't anything from Sora and Yamato which was odd considering they both knew Daisuke better than Mimi.

I checked Facebook. Boring post on boring post filled the feed. Thankfully no-one had made an 'RIP Daisuke Motomiya' page yet, I don't think I could've handled it. I looked at my profile picture. Ichiro and I arm in arm looking out from the top of Tokyo tower earlier this month. He'd just been hired by a private contractor and had bought me a gorgeous necklace with the entirety of his initial pay check.

I hovered over our relationship status as I fingered the necklace absent-mindedly. Should I change our status to 'It's complicated'? I didn't think he'd appreciate it, but that would be the whole point. Before I could make a decision I heard the familiar chime of a Skype call coming through.

Just what I needed.

Not.

I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw that it was just Sora. I accepted the call and got a screen-full of her lovely face and what I'm sure many men, my brother included, would call lovely cleavage.

"Hey, I need to sit up, give me a second," I said, whilst repositioning myself in the way I'd described to her. I looked at the clock in the corner of the screen; it was nine thirty here, so it was probably sometime in the morning over there, "What time is it over there?"

"Half past eight,"

"So you've just woken up?"

"Yeah," she gave a yawn, "Yamato's still sleeping, he had a gig last night, I gave it a miss, but I saw the first ten shows, they were pretty amazing, I can't believe how popular he is over here now, no-one can even understand what he's singing, but they're going crazy over it," She was obviously a bit surprised, but I think she was more proud than anything else. This was her man she was talking about, "But that's not what I'm here to talk about,"

"Oh, I didn't realise you had an agenda,"

"No, but you hardly want to hear about rock concerts and America,"

"Oh, but I do, anything to take my mind off everything that happened today,"

"Today? Didn't that happen yesterday?"

"Believe me what happened today was much worse, but go on, what was the atmosphere like, did they all sing along to that one new song he had with English in it?"

Sora reluctantly went into details about the crowd surfing and circle pits, and yes everyone sung along to 'Porianduri', but there were some others that they sung along to even though they were in Japanese. She said it was amazing how quickly he became a sensation; his hit was only a couple of months old.

America itself was all that they had imagined it to be. It was bigger and better in than everywhere else she'd been in almost every way. The food was so much greasier and the serves were so much bigger. She kept going, only stopping when I asked her little questions about this and that. They hadn't gotten to New York yet, that was the next stop but Philadelphia had really impressed her.

She continued on a bit longer but she finally managed to again bring the conversation back to me. She asked how I was handling everything and if I was okay, and I told her about how Iori had figured that I'd gone over to Daisuke's to sleep with him, and that I wanted to because I didn't trust my boyfriend and I was still angry at Takeru. I admitted to her that yes, Iori was probably right but he didn't need to say it so verbally. Then I told her about how Koushiro had taken me home and how he'd stepped in when Taichi and I had been fighting. She asked what was up with Taichi and I said "replacing his relationships with you two with alcohol," to which she looked slightly uncomfortable about. She asked how bad it was and I recounted the incident where he didn't even know who I was and told her how over protective he'd become. She'd said it was probably just the alcohol talking and changed the subject to my boyfriend, so I told her how we were kind of 'on hiatus'.

"What does that even mean?" she asked.

"It means that we both still like each other very much but we're not seeing each other for a while,"

"Sounds stupid,"

"It is,"

Then I thought I may as well tell her about how Takeru had spotted me and taken me home, and how he'd said we were going to have 'a talk' soon and how much I hated myself for even accepting his offer; how I'd sunk to my lowest depths. She was as comforting as she could possibly be considering she was on the other side of the planet and in front of a computer screen, which obviously wasn't as much as she or I wished. I took a few deep breaths and thanked her for listening. Koushiro had been right about me needing to tell someone how I was feeling. I wasn't so sure about how I felt about Koushiro being right about it though.

Sora said she would be on Skype pretty much every morning so if ever I needed someone to talk to, she was there.

I shut off the computer and put it away. Even though I'd managed to pawn off some of my emotional baggage, there was still too much floating around my head to go straight to sleep. I tossed and I turned until well into the night.


	7. 7 Blinded

I awoke to the sounds of snoring and a telephone ringing. Urgh, what time was it? It took all my effort to turn over and look at the clock by my bedside.

Eleven am. That explained why Taichi was still snoring.

I let my phone ring out and rubbed my eyes. I must've really needed the sleep.

The phone rang again. But this time mother came in and told me to pick up. I answered it reluctantly, knowing that it must be something important for them to call back instead of leaving a message.

"Hikari! How are you?"

I hadn't looked at the phone before answering, so I was a little surprised to hear the familiar nasal tones of soon-to-be-doctor Kidou.

"Hey Jou, I'm…" I tried to think of the right word, "tired, what's up?"

"Just thought I'd call and invite you to the celebration I'm having tomorrow night to celebrate having no more exams, ever. I'll finally be able to help people in just a few short months! I'm so excited. So what do you say? Are you home? Is Taichi? Tell him for me, I'm inviting the whole gang. Well, everyone except Mimi and Takeru because they're not in Tokyo at the moment as far as I know, but anyway I haven't seen everyone in so long I can't wait!"

"You do know Sora is touring with Yamato in America right now don't you?" I knew he'd been studying hard, and I knew about the communications blackout he'd imposed, but surely he at least remembered that Yamato's band had gone international. If he didn't know that, he obviously didn't know about Daisuke, or Takeru being back in town. Takeru… Did I still need to talk to him? "Oh yeah, I forgot about that, but I'll get everyone else it's going to be great." I thought for a moment and made a spur of the moment decision.

"Hey, Jou I don't want to-" I started but Jou's mind was obviously going much faster than mine.

"Did Daisuke call? He said he was going to get in touch with you sometime this week,"

"No he texted… Wait how do you…?"

"He ran into me while I was walking off the train a few nights ago, we sat down and had a cup of tea, he mentioned he was trying to find the courage to talk to you again. How did it go?"

I paused. What should I say? Should I burst his happy little bubble? I decided to play it more cautious.

"What did you two talk about?"

"Well, he told me where he'd been and what he'd been doing, asked me how Med school was going, asked a couple of odd questions about pregnancy which was a bit weird, and yeah he said not to tell anyone he was in town until he'd talked to you first, and I said that with all this studying for finals I'd kind of stopped socialising with everyone, but that it was still good to catch up with him after so long. So did you not go and see him?"

"No I did…"

"Wonder why our little chat didn't come up then, but you two were probably talking about more important things,"

"Jou, I, uh," How could I tell him? How could I tell him something like this while he's in such a good mood? "We didn't actually do that much talking…"

"Oh, uh, did you and Ichiro…?"

"NO! – Well yes but, that's – it's not like what you're thinking,"

"Well…?"

I told him. From the sound on the other end of the line, it made him drop the phone.

…

When Jou had recovered I told him that if he wanted to come and talk about it he could, but that I wasn't leaving the house for anyone today. He said he'd probably be over in a couple of hours.

I clicked off, and checked to make sure it was Jou who had called before. It was a number that wasn't in my contacts so I ignored it, and checked my texts. I had one from one of my college friends asking me and Ichiro to a party in a couple of days' time. I replied with 'I'll be there babe, but Ichiro's on the backburner for a while, time to get on the prowl, rawr ;)' holding a completely straight face as I did so. I probably wouldn't go considering everything but, she didn't need to know that until I cancelled hours before it started. She was a bit of a bitch anyway, so I didn't mind.

I had another one from Iori, which looked like a Miyako induced, or should I say 'forced', apology for having a hunch and running with it. He did everything but add 'but I was right, wasn't I?' to the end of his message, so I texted back a seemingly polite little acceptance message, layered with spiteful subtext that I knew would go straight over his head.

I had one from the same number that had called me just before Jou. It read 'So when are we going to have this talk' – It had to be Takeru, I'd removed him from my contacts list after it all went down three years ago. He obviously hadn't gotten rid of mine. What could I say?

'Tomorrow, I need a rest, stop bugging me' I got the reply creepily fast, like he was actually watching his phone for a reply.

His message said, 'Can't do that, I've got to go back tomorrow, work'

I typed in, _'yeah, like what you do for a living could be considered work'_ and then erased it. I sent back 'Fine, see you in 30 mins, I'm kicking you out at 12.30, I've got plans.'

I put my phone away, not waiting for a reply, and convinced myself I had to get out of bed. Taichi was still snoring as usual, which meant that I didn't have to deal with whatever fresh hell was going to pop into my head when I saw him. He would probably stay asleep until a long time after I sent Takeru packing.

I stumbled out of bed and towards the bathroom.

_ Takeru_.

Even thinking about his name made me want to take a shower and wash off all the memories that accompanied it. Lucky that was what I was here for.

I stepped into the shower and turned the tap. I felt the warmth fall down onto my hair and cascade down; that was better.

I tried to go about my usual routine focusing solely on getting clean and getting out, but Takeru was still on my mind.

I thought back to that day three years ago and that terrible, awful turn of events that changed everything. I didn't want to think about it, but my mind didn't give a damn about what I did and did not want. It almost felt surreal remembering it now, almost like the feelings I'd had were someone else's. How I wished that were so.

I had thought it was going to be The Day; the day when everything came together and Takeru finally admitted what I had known all along and I could finally tell him it was mutual.

He'd called me up and asked if I wanted to see what he'd been working on, on-and-off for the past year or so. I knew what it was; it was the worst kept secret in the entire history of our little group. Even Daisuke's little obsession with me was more covert than Takeru's plan to write up all of our adventures. The main reason everyone knew was that he interviewed just about everyone except me, and told them not to tell me because he was going to surprise me. Now, I know that to most people a recount of events that they had been a part of wouldn't seem to be the most romantic thing in the world, but to me back then, already knowing how beautifully Takeru wrote, and how much all of our escapades had meant to me; I thought it was just so damn perfect.

So I'd gone over, heck I practically ran from the train stop to his mother's apartment, and I'd tried to act normal. We'd talked for a bit, I'd sat a bit closer to him than I usually did, and at one point I said something cute, something I can't even remember, aside from the look we shared afterwards; long and longing.

I could've lived in that moment forever, and now that moment was the one that caused me the most pain. I can still remember that look of hope on his face he'd shifted to as he realised that now was the perfect time to show me his perfect gift. He had gently grasped my hand and led me to his room where he sat me in front of an old desktop. I'd never seen it before so I asked him when he'd got it, just as polite conversation. He'd told me he'd got it second-hand, exclusively for this little project about a year ago. _Reduce, reuse, recycle._

And then he told me what his little project was and who it was for exactly, and I'd kissed him hard, our lips locked and we pulled into each other for just long enough to confirm that we had waited far too long. Takeru was the one who had pulled away first, _didn't I want to read it?_

I'd bit my lip and turned toward the screen. It was a simple word document, and I sat down with him and read it in his arms and on his lap. It was more beautiful than I could have imagined, it started in the beginning from Takeru's point of view.

I could still remember how it started: _It was the night that changed everything, it was the night I first saw her, of course back then I'd thought she was just part of the dream, the dream I'd shared with my brother, the dream that had turned out to be oh so real, the dream that had started like this._

It was more beautiful than I had thought, even the battle scenes were epic in the extreme, always improving as the text went on, but that wasn't what I was most intrigued by. It was the relationships between us and all the others that got me. He didn't paint anyone as being perfect, least of all me, but it was the way he wrote in the unspoken that truly floored me. It was the inferences, the innuendo, the optimism in his words that made me feel as if I hadn't experienced what he'd written in any other way.

It took me all night to finish the first half of the story and by the time I had finished I was already in love with my younger self. I hadn't thought it possible to fall even more in love with the teenage boy who had by that time fallen asleep on the floor next to the computer, but in that moment I knew I had.

In the morning I had gone on to read the rest, after sleeping on the couch so I didn't arouse any suspicion from Takeru's mother, and the second half only affirmed what I'd gathered from the first half; that this work was a masterpiece of a love letter.

He had changed the ending though, in this we ended up looking like pioneers rather than chosen few because in the end everyone became just like us with otherworldly partners for every boy and every girl. It was a humble ending and I had liked it. I remember I had been so overwhelmed by everything that all I wanted to do was cry in Takeru's arms at how perfect he had made it all sound, at the beauty and terror of his writing, at the things left unsaid that leapt off the page straight from his heart to mine. But I kissed him instead, and it was like every moment in my life had been leading up to that kiss. It felt like it lasted forever, and we tried, we really tried to make it so. By the time we managed to disengage we were too late.

The pop-up had popped up and when I saw what was on it I felt fear for the first time in almost six years.

I couldn't handle the memories that came after, I could barely handle the ones I'd just thought about, but thankfully mother came in to tell me to stop wasting water, and that Takeru was here to see me. She was just leaving to do some grocery shopping and did I need anything, to which my answer was no. I quickly dried my hair so that it stuck up at all angles and wrapped the towel around me.

I dashed out the door and to my room, trying and failing miserably to avoid awkward eye contact with Takeru. He was sitting at the kitchen table and his eyes lingered for just that beat too long. I gave him a scowl, but he was already pretending to interest himself in the palm of his hand and didn't see.

I threw on the most unappealing outfit I could find and left my hair a mess. Like I was really going to make an effort for _him_.

"So, what's the deal, why do you have to talk to me?" I demanded as I sat across from the filth of a man who was still in his clothes from last night.

"I just can't believe he's gone, he was so…" he trailed off. Was Takeru actually genuinely upset? I doubted it, "I always thought that Daisuke would live on forever, that he wouldn't accept that his time had come so vehemently that Death himself would actually believe him and go harvest some other poor soul," trust the writer to come up with some metaphor or whatever to elicit sympathy. He wasn't getting anything out of me. There was silence for a moment and then he continued, "I just wish I'd known him better you know, there was always that subtle rivalry between us over you that I don't think I really had a chance to just relax with him, shoot the breeze, talk about something without both of us feeling we were competing,"

"How, can-" The doorbell interrupted me and I excused myself to go and let Jou in, silently cursing the fact that his presence would mean I couldn't argue with Takeru as forcefully as I would like.

Only, when I reached the door it was not the tall, nerdy-yet-handsome doctor who had rung the bell, but a police detective.


	8. 8 El Distorto De Melodica

The look of surprise on the young girl's face was expected by the detective, but the unkempt hair and mismatched outfit were not. He was a compulsive profiler which was both an advantage and disadvantage in his line of work. At times like these it was distracting and the detective had a job to do.

He entered the Yagami residence upon the girl's invitation, of course she could spare a moment of her time, and there was no point in being uncooperative with the law. He took off his immaculate shiny white shoes in the entrance hall and slipped them neatly into the shoe rack.

He took note of the other man in the kitchen-dining-living room because he was dressed in a similar haphazard fashion as the girl. He did not know who the man was; a boyfriend perhaps. The girl seemed awkward when she told the man to find something to do whilst she talked to the detective. The man said he would rather listen to the conversation and when the detective had put forward no objections so long as the girl was okay with it, the girl had just shrugged and mumbled something about the man finding out later anyway.

The detective wondered if the girl, whom he knew from his initial interview at the crime scene was named Hikari, would be intrigued, outraged or saddened by the evidence he was about to show her.

He eased her into it. He told her that he was just trying to get a bit more of an insight into the deceased's life; they had found that the deceased had rented an apartment in Osaka but hadn't been able to find any friends that he had made over there that could assist with the investigation.

She told the detective about the deceased's character, his personality, his general bull-headedness and charm. She obviously remembered him fondly so the detective queried her as to their relationship. She had said that the deceased had always been vying for her affection, but needed prompting before admitting that yes, back before the deceased had removed himself from their friendship group, she had, at times felt things for him. This was a logical assumption that the detective had made during his first encounter with the girl, but it was nice to see that the other man's presence wasn't going to affect her answers. In fact, it seemed that she actually enjoyed the little squirm the other man had made when she had mentioned that her relationship with the deceased hadn't been all one sided.

The detective then went about re-establishing why she had responded so eagerly to the deceased's text message. Did she still have feelings for him?

The detective knew that her answer of being curious as to what caused him to disappear and reappear such a long time later was a lie because she hadn't asked anything when the detective had mentioned the deceased's living in Osaka. The actions and the words didn't match up.

He changed tack and asked her what she'd been doing earlier in the day when she had received the text message. She had been home alone, she said. So that meant no alibi.

The detective decided he was going to throw her off even more, and asked if her boyfriend had known that she was going to meet the deceased that night. She said that Ichiro and her had had a little argument the night before and that it wasn't like what the detective was thinking. The detective loved it when people made statements like that because more often than not it meant that it was exactly like what the detective was thinking.

He decided that he'd had enough of the charade, took out the photographs and asked if she could explain how they ended up in the drafts folder of one of the many email accounts accessed through the deceased's computer. After the initial shock wore off, her face saddened as she flicked through the pile, before it turned a bright pink as she quickly flicked through the final few. The other man reached out to take a look, but she shot daggers at him as she handed them back to the detective.

The detective smiled as he placed the pictures back inside his jacket, and asked if she had been aware that the deceased had been stalking her, and she had shaken her head. He then asked her if her boyfriend had known, and he noticed just the slightest twitch of a smile play upon her features as she replied. Her boyfriend didn't even know who the deceased was, and would have told her if he suspected something as serious as someone stalking her.

In the back of the detective's mind he removed the image of the other man being the girl's boyfriend whilst still maintaining the flow of his little fishing expedition and asked why he was so interested in programming. The girl responded that she didn't quite think her boyfriend's profession had anything to do with the untimely death of her old friend and the detective had to apologise and iterate that he had meant the deceased's interest in programming. She did not believe he had any.

The detective found this interesting, not just because he had a string of emails sent from the deceased's account to many individuals involved in the 'computer industry', but because of the way the other man had shifted in his seat when the detective had clarified his question. The detective decided he'd move on the other man. He turned out to be a friend of the deceased as well from around the same time as the girl, only he had not known him as well as her. The other man had said that he had last seen the deceased two years previously at a party that the other man's girlfriend had dragged him along to in Osaka. The deceased and the other man had talked about how weird it was dropping out of school so young and the other man had admitted confiding many things to the deceased that he may not have under more normal circumstances, it was nothing, the other man had assured the detective, particularly embarrassing.

The detective asked the other man about the deceased's interest in computers, but he echoed the girl's words. He was clearly ill at ease but the detective didn't push it, questioning the other man had merely been to distract the girl some more, make her wonder what the detective's real motives were.

The girl asked if the detective knew what the deceased had been doing over in Osaka. The detective didn't know if she was just covering herself for not asking before or genuinely interested, but he could not see any harm in telling her that so far they had found his apartment over there but as of yet still had no idea how he had enough money to rent it, or the one he had leased in Tokyo where she had found his remains. There was definitely a girlfriend in the picture but the other officers were having a hard time finding her. They also hadn't found the deceased's phone which was a nice segue to his main point.

"Mr Motomiya was confirmed to be deceased by the time you received the text to come and see him that night, the killer wanted you, and you alone to find the body."


	9. 9 No It Isn't

"Taichi, wake up!" I yelled at the lump in my brother's bed, "Jou's here and we're going out for tea, and you need to get out of the house,"

To be perfectly honest, it was me who needed to get out of the house after the detective's call. I didn't quite know why he'd come and told me all those things but I knew I had to get away from where he told them to me, if only for a short while.

"I just heard that Sora and Yamato are back in town and we're meeting them at the teahouse…" I got nothing for my blatant lie; I was at least expecting him to throw something at me, like a brick or something. I walked towards his bed, the covers were over his head and I could hear his snoring muffled by the sheets.

I gave him a nudge. Nothing. Thoughts of a similar scene rushed into my mind as I stuttered a little.

"Ta-Taichi?"

The snoring stopped mid-breath and I heard a click before it started again slightly louder. I threw the covers off, screamed a few obscenities and took the tape out of the cassette player he'd hidden under the covers with the extra pillows.

"All right lets go," I said as I left, throwing the tape violently through my open door as I did so. I'd fixed my hair but I really didn't feel like dressing to go out. Who knew, maybe windcheaters and tracksuit pants would come into fashion by the time we made it to our favourite little tea house. I was still a little shaken by what the detective had said. Not so much the stalking, I'd always kind of thought Daisuke might stoop to that level at some point, but that was before he left, not after. I was more worried about the way the detective had simply stated that the killer had been the one who lured me there, excused himself and left without even asking me what I thought. Was I to be bait? Was he going to follow me to see who I would confront, listening in for some kind of confession?

That was part of the reason I wanted to get out of the house, to see if he would follow, but it was mainly to get away from that room where he had implied so many horrid things. I've seen too many cop shows to know that he was thinking I'd found out Daisuke was stalking me, killed him and then texted myself an appointment to become a witness and then have half an ear into the investigation.

But Jou was here now and it calmed me down a bit. We both sat in the back of Takeru's Prius, because I didn't want to sit next to Takeru, and Jou didn't think I should be in the back by myself considering everything I'd been through.

I asked him about his exams and he seemed to think he'd done well. He was just glad that he never had to think about exams again.

"Do you know how many times everyone was in danger and I couldn't help because I was locked up in a room with no chance of escape, no way of even knowing you people were in trouble?"

"Three," said Takeru from the front, clearly concentrating on driving inhibited his ability to judge the rhetoric nature of a question, and when someone wasn't talking to him.

"Well, I guess it felt like more, because after those first two times, every exam or test I took had me worried that some kind of calamity was going to occur while I was out of touch. And then that last time three years ago…" He trailed off, deep in thought. I caught a slightly worried look from Takeru in the rear view mirror, and I knew he didn't want Jou to continue as much as I didn't, "You know, when I think back to that day I always seem to blame myself for not being there. As much as you guys don't want to talk about it, and I respect that, I always envied you, because you got some closure, you know how it all went down, you saw it, and now that I think about it Daisuke probably felt the same way when he found out,"

Before I could really think about what Jou had just said, we had pulled up at the tea house. As far as we could tell we hadn't been followed.

When we were seated, we stared at the guy behind the counter washing cups and saucers until he noticed. He looked up and understood, asking the other man, who was waiting for the new party of three to come up and order something. He shook his head, which made the dish-washer motion around at the empty store. The other man seemed annoyed but the dish-washer gave a short little bow and came towards us.

"Hey, why are you guys all here, I mean I can guess why, but why here?"

"Ken…" I said, and raised my eyebrows. He looked a little embarrassed as he realised.

"Oh, well do you guys want to order? The boss said he'll kick you out if you don't,"

Takeru went up to order and I filled in Ken on what had happened with the inspector, just like I'd told Jou earlier. By the time I'd finished Takeru was back and Ken's boss had brought out our green teas, and Takeru's coffee.

"I know Daisuke was a bit – 'you know' – with you but I never thought… Stalking?" That was Ken's reaction, and it was pretty similar to what Jou had said before. Takeru spoke up.

"It doesn't make sense; you don't go from overt displays of affection to covert ones after nine years, especially if you have a one track mind like he did,"

"And what makes you an expert?" I'd asked. I was already sick of him hanging around and I think that the strain of the past few days hadn't quite worn off yet. But really I'd take any chance to argue with Takeru.

"I write Hikari, it means I have to get into other people's heads, you've got to be a little bit of a psycho-analyst sometimes,"

"No it means you get to make shit up,"

"Are we really going to go into this now?"

"You know, it would make a little bit of sense," Takeru and I looked at Jou, it was as if he didn't even notice we were in the middle of an argument, "he was fixated on you for so long, and when he left to make a clean break and leave you in peace, maybe he couldn't let go, and without the release of constantly hitting on you, his lust manifested itself in a more voyeuristic fashion."

I felt uncomfortable hearing Jou talk about Daisuke like that, like I wasn't even there, but before I could warn him off, Ken stuck his foot in.

"He wasn't like that," We all looked at him, it was the most forceful we'd heard him talk since he'd started going around with Miyako. "He, he was…" We waited, Ken was obviously a little nervous, he stared into his tea cup, analysing the flow of the tea leaves as they swirled around his cup, "I know he wouldn't do it, okay, can we talk about something else?"

"When did you see him last?"

"Takeru, he said he wanted to talk about something else,"

"Hikari, are you sure you're okay?"

"Jou, stop, everyone stop!"

We all looked at Ken again.

"I saw him last about eight months ago," That was news to me, and from the looks on Jou and Takeru's faces it was news to them too. "When he left we kept in touch, he was trying to let you live your life, Hikari, he knew it was the best thing for you and I knew he was right. So whenever anyone asked, I said I didn't know anything because I had to respect his wishes.

"We met on occasion when I went to Osaka to visit my grandparents, and it's been kil–" he stopped and chose his words more carefully, "breaking my heart having to hide it from everyone. But not as much as it was eating at Daisuke that he hadn't been there when it all went down just after he'd left," Ken finally looked up from his cup and he was clearly upset, "but he was still the same old Daisuke, he wasn't going to let it get to him, he said that if he gave in like that, it truly meant that we had lost, and he said he could never let that happen," he looked from me to Takeru, "I didn't–" he looked a Jou and went quiet. Jou didn't notice, or he didn't understand what he meant, and niether did I until days later.

"He was a good man," Jou said.

"Besides," I said, thinking slightly more clearly than I had been up to this point, "the detective said that he had a girlfriend, surely he couldn't have been stalking me and having a relationship?"

"I didn't think he had one, but it was possible he did, like I said, he didn't even tell me about his job," said Ken and I almost asked him what they did talk about with Daisuke if it wasn't about work and relationships, but Jou decided he needed to comment as well.

"He did ask me about pregnancy the other day, so maybe he did have one. Either that or he knocked someone up," I hadn't told Ken that Jou had seen him more recently than anyone else, and so he got the same abridged version of events that I had on the phone this morning. "But yeah, it was weird when he was asking me all that stuff about pregnancy, he wanted to know if it was possible to pinpoint the night of conception, and I told him that if you had the date of birth, you could count back nine months but that was about it. He seemed a little disappointed when I told him it meant you had about a week of give,"

"So maybe there was a girl who was claiming he was the father of her child, and he didn't believe her," ventured Takeru, "or maybe he was trying to prove that he was the father, but couldn't force the girl to get a paternity test,"

"I don't know, he said he needed to go and I didn't get the chance to ask,"

We stopped speculating about Daisuke after that. Ken asked how Jou's exams had gone, and Jou had told a couple of interesting stories about lost notes, and late night trips to the library. Jou had asked about Takeru's television project, and Takeru said that the producers had asked him to pen a third season, which would hopefully be screening sometime near the end of next year, pending the success of the second season which was due to start in a couple of weeks. It was unprecedented, he had said a little too smugly, for someone of his young age.

"And how is Satomi," I asked, trying unsuccessfully to get him to snap at me.

"We broke up about a month ago,"

"And they're still thinking about giving you a third season?"

Sadly, he rose above my goading and started up a conversation with Ken about Miyako, while Jou raised an eyebrow at me and let me know just how juvenile I was behaving, but I didn't care.

Some other customers came in, and Ken said he had to get back to work, Jou said we should probably leave, so I gave Ken a hug and said goodbye. Jou told him that he and Miyako were invited to his little get together, even though it would probably be a bit quieter than he'd intended considering the obvious. Takeru had a quiet word to Ken before we left, and then asked if it would be okay if Jou and I got our own way home, since he really needed to get back to Osaka so he could work the next day. Jou said goodbye, extending the same invitation to Takeru as he had to Ken. As Takeru drove off in his eco-mobile, Jou asked me why I'd been so harsh on him.

"I just think that passing off fact as fiction and getting it produced by your girlfriend's father, is not the best business ethics, even if no one else remembers, and I'm not about to let him get away with it. I know I'm not the only one."

"The guy has come all this way to see if you're okay and you treat him like he's nothing, he's given you two lifts in Tokyo's infamous traffic and you go and beat down on the man's achievements, cut the man some slack, he's hurting just as much as you,"

I didn't have an answer to that.


	10. 10 Your Man

She heard him come in and immediately knew there was something wrong.

"My day was fine, how are you," She called out even though he hadn't asked.

He sat down at the table and mumbled a response in the positive, in a way which made it sound as if it had been the opposite.

"I made your favourite. Well, mother made it and I reheated it, but it's the thought that counts. Are you hungry now, or do you want it later?" She asked him cheerfully. The death of a friend called for the 'taking his mind off it' approach.

"Later, I think," was the response. It didn't really please her all that much because now she was going to have to reheat his food again.

"Well, I'm having mine now because it looks delicious," She came and sat down at the table next to him with a big plate of noodles. Usually, he would ask why she was eating so much, but today she didn't get to use her cute little reason. She dug in anyway.

Half way through he looked up at her and she mumbled "What?" through a mouthful of noodles that were so long they were both in her mouth and on her plate.

"I'm sorry," She stopped chewing and let the remaining noodles drop. She didn't like that tone.

"Hm?"

"It's been gnawing at me and gnawing at me and it's come to a head," She didn't like where this was going, she swallowed, and let him continue, "I just... We always said... and I just can't anymore,"

"Yes you can," He looked confused at what she had said, he had no idea, none at all, it was almost an insult, "I know,"

"No you don't, you don't know anything," He couldn't look at her. Was it shame?

"But I do know! I know exactly what you're talking about, and frankly I won't stand for what you're trying not to say out loud!"

"What?"

"We've come too far for you to back out now, have you thought about–" he cut her off.

"What do you mean, 'You know', how could you_ know_? How long?"

"Please, a woman knows, normal teenagers don't get _those_ problems,"

"So it's not normal now?"

"That's not what I meant; it's just a word," She could see his brain working overtime, the leaps and bounds a mind could take with just a skerrick of information were amazing.

"He was asking about... Are they? Are they mine?"

"What do you mean, of course! Why wouldn't they be?" She could see he didn't accept her answer; he rubbed his temple in frustration.

"Look at me when you say it," She picked her eyes off the table and looked at him before reiterating.

"They are yours," She looked away, "I think,"

"Y-You think?"

"It was one night, and it was stupid, and I made it up to you the very next day, and then I was late, and you were all happy and saying 'we can make this work', and I just wanted you so bad, that I didn't even care when I found out about what you'd been doing while I was doing what I'd been doing and I thought I understood because of your parents and all that and I just... and then he came back asking questions and I just-"

"Wait, you spoke to... When? You didn't. Oh God please tell me you didn't."

The look in her eyes told him everything he needed to know. The words that came out of her mouth were superfluous to the conversation.


	11. 11 Under Cover Of Darkness

"Hello Mother,"

Natsuko Takaishi looked at the man at her door and had to admit she was a little confused. Hadn't she told him not to come back?

"What are you doing here?"

"I just want to check on my stuff, I'm assuming you haven't thrown it out yet,"

"No, I haven't touched your room, but we got broken into a few months ago, and I don't know what they took,"

"I know that, mother. Well, can I come in?" She didn't look like she was going to move any time soon.

"I have company,"

"So what? I'll be quick, and it's not like I'm going to know who it is," The way she looked away from him told Takeru everything he needed to know, "Oh you're not doing that again," he said and pushed past.

"Takeru!"

He dashed through the hall. _Did they really think that going through this all again was a good idea? Don't they remember how well it went last time they tried?_

"Hello father, can't talk, I'm in a bit of a hurry,"

He cracked open the door to his room and saw the dust had been disturbed around his wardrobe. All this stuff with his parents would have to wait. He prayed that what he'd left in there still was.

He opened it.

It wasn't.

Shit.

He walked out of his room and found his mother and father sitting on the couch next to each other looking at him awkwardly.

"Right, I know you're adults and you can make your own decisions, but I just want you to remember what happened last time,"

"Hey," It was his father, "I'm sorry about your friend,"

"Thanks, I'm sorry your station is losing viewers to my show," and with that he was out the door and into his car.

The last thing he had wanted was to go back to that apartment, especially since it was just to check one thing, but asking his mother to do him a favour would have been harder than getting Hikari to have a rational conversation with him; and that was still years of growing indifference away.

Takeru loved his car. Not only was it practical, it was quiet, and it was helping to save the Earth. It was an uncomplicated formula, unlike everything else in his life. A little bit of fossil fuel saved here, an organic food market attended there, a light turned off, a television not left on standby, and he was doing something that he'd been trying to do all through his childhood, only with less violence and against what, until very recently, he considered an even greater threat.

He was saving the planet and it felt good.

He couldn't believe his parents were even thinking about getting back together again after the divorce; especially after everything that had happened last time they had tried to make it work.

Takeru thought that he'd probably been a bit too harsh on his father, but Hikari's snide comments had rubbed him the wrong way and then rubbed off on him. He didn't like that he'd had to lie to her to get her to talk to him, but that was the price he had to pay for his mistakes.

It wasn't even his fault. Satomi was the one who'd shown the story to her father, and it all snowballed from there.

Hikari really did hate him though.

Despite everything, he didn't quite understand what her problem was. But that was probably just because he didn't understand women in general. It was largely why Satomi had broken up with him, he realised, because he just didn't understand her. Two and a half years and he still had no clue as to what was going around in that pretty little head of hers. What had she said? _I'm not one of your female characters, you can't just pretend you know what I'm thinking._ That was probably a good thing, considering the fact that he tried to write his female characters as if they were male, so that they didn't end up being 'The Innocent' or 'The Love Interest' or 'The Bitch'. They still somehow ended up that way though. It was ironic, he thought, that Satomi was so against being defined as just one of his female characters, when she'd progressed through each of those stereotypes since he had first met her.

It was weird that he could think about her so objectively at a time when he was making such subjective decisions. All of this extra fuel, as minimal as his car's usage was, being used up on a wild hunch.

He parked his car a block away from his destination. The sun was well beneath the horizon and he put on the gloves he'd brought to keep his hands warm.

He barely remembered living in Hikarigaoka, except for a few of the times he'd had with his brother and especially that infamous night out on the balcony. It wasn't long after that that they'd been separated.

He climbed the stairs and tried to look as inconspicuous as possible. It wasn't easy with his impossibly blonde hair. He cursed himself for not bringing a hooded jacket or some sort of woollen hat but he couldn't do anything about it now.

He walked toward the door with trepidation. There was no crime scene tape like there always was on television, but maybe they'd already finished up and taken it down. He pulled out his pre-prepared pick cut out from a soft drink container. He might not remember much from back then, but he did remember that all the apartments on both sides of the street had pretty unsophisticated locks on their doors. It was one of the reasons that they had moved away after the split, but the house his mother had moved into was just as easy to get into without a key. The locks on the apartments in this area were easy to push open, if you could get something through the crack in the door and bend it just the right way.

It took him just under a minute, and no one came past. Satomi was a good teacher.

Once inside, Takeru searched. It was a long shot but maybe, just maybe, finding it would answer a few questions.

What questions finding what he was looking for would bring up was another matter that he really didn't want to think about right now.

He took a cursory look around the kitchen-living-dining area, carefully opening the only cupboard that was big enough to hide it. Nothing.

He checked the first bedroom. He saw the music system and realised that this must be where Hikari had found him. Strange that, he thought, how she could walk right up to him, lying there with a knife in his back and not notice it.

A quick glance into the wardrobe proved fruitful. There it was, dusty as all hell and thankfully not connected to anything.

He took it out and examined it. It was the same one alright.

He studied it. What was Daisuke trying to achieve? Didn't he know it was hopeless?

He stopped himself; Daisuke had only ever given up on one thing in his life and that was only after over nine years of indifference on Hikari's part. Nothing was hopeless in Daisuke's mind. Besides Takeru knew all too well that Daisuke didn't know. But he was not going to think about _that_ if he could help it.

There was a couple of scratch marks on the side and after a little bit of effort, Takeru managed to take off the affected panel.

There was something inside that he certainly hadn't put there. It was an xD card, a memory stick for a camera.

He pocketed it and put the panel back on. He thought for a second before replacing what he had been searching for back in the wardrobe. If the police didn't even think it was worth searching, then hopefully no one else would. It was safer here.

Besides, if he walked out the door with it, it would look very suspicious indeed.

He didn't know what was on the xD card, but he did know that there was only one person who could've known what Daisuke was doing with the object he had stolen from Takeru's house. He just didn't like the conclusion he got when he added the fact to Daisuke's murder.

Takeru's thoughts went off on this tangent as he began closing the door to the bedroom. The likely identity of the killer chilled him to his core. Seconds later when the vase came down on his head, and the figure who had just hit him with it stepped over him and into the bedroom, he stopped being scared at who he thought had done it, and became scared that he was about to do it again.

He couldn't move and his head was aching something fierce. He tried to think about something positive, if this were to be his last moment on the Earth, but all he could come up with was that it was ironic that he would die in the same apartment as Daisuke.

It would have annoyed him to no end that that was an incorrect use of irony, had he not just had a vase cracked over his head.

When the figure returned with part of the item Takeru had been searching for firmly grasped in two hands, and a heavily laden backpack which likely contained the rest, and stepped over him once more, it all but confirmed his initial fears.

But when the figure didn't stop to finish the job, Takeru was so surprised that he passed out.


	12. 12 Make It Stop

I woke up. It happens every morning, so I didn't quite know why I woke up surprised.

I sniffed the air. Something was most definitely wrong.

I threw on something a bit more presentable and ran to the kitchen. Mother was sitting down with a cup of tea reading a newspaper. That explained the smell.

"Ken, you don't have to cook breakfast, it is okay really,"

"Please, it's the least I could do, after all you did lend me your couch for the night,"

"Should've given you Taichi's bed, he didn't turn up," said mother as she flipped another page in the paper absently.

"So are you going to talk to Miyako today or..." I didn't want to pry, but after I'd heard what had happened last night I was really concerned about their relationship. I think they both knew that if it was just the 'gay' thing, they could work it out, but when one admits she fell pregnant to trap him into being faithful and the other practically accuses her of murdering his lover, it gets a little bit more complicated.

He shook his head and laughed.

"It's weird, I had today all planned, I was going to take the afternoon off work and actually spend some time with her for once, but now I don't know,"

I could hardly believe it when he had called and said Miyako had kicked him out. Ken had always had a soothing effect on Miyako's temper; she couldn't fight with anyone if he was in the room let alone actually argue with him. And then when he told me what they'd fought about, well to be honest, I had almost thought he'd grown a sense of humour.

"Breakfast's up!"

I sat down at the table next to mother as she thanked Ken for the food, but I was still thinking about Ken and Miyako. What if they never got back together, what would happen to the kid? I just couldn't imagine Ken being able to live with himself knowing his kid was growing up somewhere without a father figure. But then, could he live with himself the rest of his life knowing he wasn't being true to who he was? If I was this conflicted just thinking about it, I couldn't imagine how much it was eating at Ken.

I took a bite of the fried eggs in front of me.

"Is something wrong with the eggs Hikari?" I hadn't swallowed, something was different, I couldn't quite place it; it was like there was something missing. I looked at my plate and the colour of the food atop it, it didn't look right. I swallowed anyway.

"How did you get it so yellow?"

"Huh?"

"I've never had anything from that frying pan that didn't taste of charcoal, how did you...?" Mother poked her tongue out at me, and I waved it away playfully. Ken looked confused. "It's delicious, don't worry,"

We sat in silence for a bit. When Ken had finished his eggs he thanked us once again and said he needed to get to work. We told him it was nothing, and I escorted him to the door. The poor guy.

"You really should go see Miyako, Ken. I know it's none of my business, but I mean, you are having a kid together, and–"

"Two, Hikari, she's having twins, we just haven't got around to telling everyone yet,"

"Well, great! Congratulations! But that's all the more reason to sort things out with her, isn't it"

"I know, but I'm not sure I'll be ready, or if she'll even want to speak to me," He thought for a second, "If I do, and she doesn't, would it be alright if I...?"

"Sure,"

"I don't want to impose its just, my parents live so far away now and–"

"I know, it's fine, just promise you'll talk to her okay?"

I watched him go and I thought as he went that as much as it was a surprise to me to find out that he and Daisuke swung the other way, and as much as the longer I thought about it the more sense it made; I really hoped he and Miyako could work things out.

...

"I thought you had to work today," was what I said when I saw who was at the door not even half an hour after Ken had left and only about two minutes after mother had gone to meet her date or whatever. All I wanted to do was slam it in their faces.

"Well, I'm letting events dissipate before I let them affect my style, can we come in? It is kind of important," I looked from Takeru to Iori and then back. Things can always get worse.

"What's the runt doing here?" I said to Takeru spitefully and Iori was offended.

"I thought we were cool," I raised one eyebrow at him, then turned back to Takeru again and repeated the gesture only with slightly different expression.

"He drove, his house was closest, and I was in no state," he pointed to the matted maroon patch of hair on the side of his head. Bloodstains really do complete the 'Hobo' look.

"You're trying out a new style?" They were not amused, "Fine come in, bathroom's through there, get cleaned up and we'll talk,"

"But it's important; I need to show you now,"

"Well, I can't concentrate with that much blood hanging around, go," I motioned violently with my thumb and he went. Iori came and sat down at the table.

This stupid table. I was going to insist we get a new one if I was going to be continually interrogated over it.

"Why aren't we cool?"

"What?" I didn't really think Iori would care what I thought of him, he was odd and still a bit awkward, and this encounter was proving to be no exception.

"I thought after I apologised you were okay and we were fine, is that not right?"

"Oh," I guess I wasn't really all that mad at him, what he'd said seemed trivial compared to what had happened since, "I guess we are, I was just a bit thrown when I saw you guys at the door,"

"I guess it doesn't really matter if we're cool or not though, I mean the world doesn't revolve around you or anything," I stared at him for a moment before commenting.

"You're one weird kid, Iori,"

"Cool, is Taichi around?"

"Um, no. Why?"

"Just wondering."

The sounds of the ticking clock and running water seemed to echo in the silence.

It got too much so I explained.

"He's probably hip deep in empty beer bottles in a dumpster outside some bar or something. I think mother and I are just about ready to give up on him,"

"Taichi has an alcohol problem? That doesn't sound like him."

"Father had one, and chances are at some point I'll develop one too, it's hereditary."

"What made him start, has something happened?" Iori confused me at the best of times, but surely he knew Sorato were away. I took a deep breath.

"Separation anxiety, he can't live with the fact that Sora's on the other side of the world, I think he still loves her,"

"And Yamato,"

"Yes, Yamato's over there as well, I guess he misses him too but that's probably not the main reason he's–"

"No, I mean he's probably still in love with Yamato as well,"

I almost but not quite entirely had a total vocabulary failure.

"Wh– Uh– Gah– What!"

"Iori!" Takeru's voice, but I wasn't paying much attention. My brother; and Yamato! I could handle Ken and Daisuke but not this. My eyes widened as I realised that if it was true then Daisuke could really be a clone of Taichi.

"Does she not know?"

"Obviously, I thought I told you that was a secret,"

"But she's his sister, surely she would know, I thought," Iori gathered up his thoughts which was more than I could do at the moment, mine were going places I didn't want them to go, "Sorry Hikari, I didn't mean to, I thought you knew,"

I looked across at Takeru, whose hair was now back to that impossibly yellow shade of blonde that I used to love, and saw Yamato reflected back and images flashed through my brain of the rock star and the original gogglehead doing things that I didn't ever want to think about them doing. And then I wasn't thinking about them anymore and the images of Daisuke and Ken that I'd managed to not conjure up ever since I found out about their clandestine meetings, were conjured up and then I remembered that Daisuke was dead and suddenly the vision in my head took a more sinister turn.

"Hikari, are you okay?" I wasn't even sure who had asked, but it made the images disappear. At least for now anyway. "You've gone white,"

"I'm…" I paused for a second to make sure that I really was fine, "I'm fine, it's just a lot to take in, I mean first it was Daisuke and Ken and now Taichi and Yamato. I just–"

"What about Daisuke and Ken?" asked Iori.

"They weren't, were they?" said Takeru who seemed to be answering his own question in his head even as he asked it.

"Yes, but–" I started.

"Figures, you don't think that Miyako found out do you?" ventured Iori.

"She knew, but–" This time Takeru cut me off.

"I'm not sure what's surprising you so much Hikari, it's twenty-eleven, it's not like homosexuality is taboo anymore,"

"Takeru, it is still a shock when you find out that four people you always considered straight as arrows, three of whom you've known for two thirds of your life and the other you've known since birth, are actually not entirely heterosexual. I mean is there anyone I know who isn't gay!"

"Well, Iori has had a mad crush on me forever, but Jou and Koushiro are straight, I think, oh and me too, I can't vouch for your boyfriend though."

Iori didn't deny anything, but I wasn't as surprised as I thought I should be. It seemed to make sense.

"But, Yamato and Taichi?" I queried, "How would they keep that a secret from Sora?"

"They didn't,"

"But aren't Sora and Yamato..." I made air commas, " 'together' at the moment?"

Takeru sat down across from me and looked directly into my eyes, whilst placing my old camera on the table absently. I didn't have time to ponder why he'd held onto it all these years because his next question confused me.

"Have you ever bothered to listen to the lyrics of 'Porianduri'?"

"Yamato wrote it in English, and the lyrics are phonetically Japan-icised, it's impossible to translate. Besides it only came out a couple of months ago, I haven't really had the time to look,"

"I forgot you didn't do English at school, anyway even though I missed the last two years of school to follow my dream," I was too intrigued to interrupt with a snide remark, "I know enough to understand most of it. The title literally translates to 'one woman, two marriages' or something similar but that isn't really what the song describes," He stopped.

"And what does it actually describe?" He looked reluctant to answer but went on anyway.

"It actually describes a relationship between three people who each love the other two equally, and of course we know who the woman and two men are,"

"I thought it was supposed to be about a break-up?" this was Iori's two yen's worth. Takeru still looked uncomfortable explaining but he continued on.

"It is, it is about how the singer and his girlfriend go about getting over the third party leaving because he's in love with someone else,"

I wanted to say that it couldn't be right, that Taichi was not in love with anyone, but I realised that it explained everything. It explained why it took so long after Sorato started back up again for him to start getting all depressed about it. It could even explain where he'd disappeared to. Maybe whoever it was that he was head over heels for had given him an 'in'. Maybe he was with her, (or him, I had to keep reminding myself) and maybe he wasn't drinking himself to death right now. In spite of all the lies Taichi must have told, and in spite of the fact that finding out everything like this meant that I didn't have his full trust and that I never had, and as much as that realisation cut me to the bone; in spite of all that, I felt slightly better about him than I had at the start of the day. Now there was a sliver of hope that he was okay.

Takeru must have seen the little smile play on my face and realised I was okay, because he changed the subject rather abruptly.

"So if you're okay with all that, I think I know who killed Daisuke,"


	13. 13 The Freshmen

All Takeru had had to add was one little sentence and I was back in his bedroom staring at the computer screen, staring at the face of an old foe.

He had always said he would be back and now he was.

I had asked Takeru at the time where he had obtained the computer from, but since I'd read the second half of his story I realised as the words left my mouth that it must have been the same one Ken had been transported through when he was young.

We didn't know why he was there, but it soon became apparent.

He had come to gloat.

He had come to thank us, for without the knowledge contained within Takeru's masterpiece he never would have known the intrinsic link between the computer he was watching from that Ocean, and the world we had once fought so hard to protect. In fact, he noted that had it not been for some overzealous minion monitoring the strange anomaly that had adorned the cliff face in his prison since many moons before it had become so, the link between the two other worlds would have remained a mystery.

He had told us he was staring into this anomaly now, and exactly what he would give to be able to pass through it and take the human world by force, well he would give the whole of the Digital World and the whole of the Dark Ocean. This was no exaggeration, he had told us, considering both were under his total command.

The only thing he couldn't fathom, he had told us, was why he couldn't open up a portal to our world once he'd reached, let alone decided to conquer, the digital one. It hadn't been long until he'd realised that it worked both ways, that if we were to break the seals that 'the old man turned young' and 'his human sidekick' had put up to stop the worlds from colliding and destroying the fabric of reality, he would be able to come through the tear. In short, there was nothing stopping him from taking it over.

He told us of his alliance with the true master of the Ocean, and how easy it was to convince him to raise his army. They faced heavy opposition from our friends, but without our human spirit to strengthen them, they were no match.

Takeru didn't believe him.

How much I would have given for Takeru not to verbalise his theory.

The being on the other side of the screen, disappeared.

In his place was a battle scene.

It raged in all its horrid turmoil, and the being's voice cut through the cacophony of attack cries to tell us to grab some popcorn, because the battle would be shown in full.

Koushiro was the first to arrive. His computer nerd senses had told him there was a disturbance in the balance between the worlds, and he'd tracked it here. He'd contacted the others for help, and one by one they turned up to watch the slaughter.

All except Jou and Daisuke.

If the images weren't bad enough, Daemon's constant murmurings of how much he loved seeing hordes of valiant Digimon wiped out with every one of his attacks, or how seeing a Leomon rush in to attack, only to trip over a stone and impale itself on its own sword was 'his favourite bit', broke each and every one of us.

The battle ended with legions of his and Dragomon's army chasing the remaining Digimon into the distance. He appeared back on screen and asked us if we'd all had enough.

I had.

Then he told us there was more; that there was just one final question he had to ask.

The screen switched to a cell holding all our partners.

Each and every one of us cried out to them but he informed us that they couldn't hear our pleas.

Then he asked us if we would like to have the chance to fight him one last time. All it would take was for one little gate to open and for us to slip through and we would have a fighting chance at saving the world. He said he would enjoy defeating us and then taking the human world as his prize. The alternative, he informed us, was to watch as he personally destroyed each and every one of our partners.

There really was no choice. Even without Jou and Daisuke we knew we could beat Daemon, especially with the help of the five older Digidestined present. If we worked together there was nothing we couldn't do.

Taichi was the first to pull out his device and we all followed suit.

It was time to take the fight to the bad guy. Time to show him that the Digital World was protected, time to show what we were truly capable of. Did he not know of our exploits against Armageddemon? Even if he did he wouldn't know how much stronger we knew we could be. He would stand no chance against the combined force of eight Mega level Digimon and a little anti-virus program we liked to call Omnimon.

Then I saw Takeru wasn't holding his device.

I had asked him what was wrong and he had said not to do it.

I didn't understand why he would say such a thing.

Daemon had picked up my Gato. He looked into her eyes and saw all the pain and suffering she'd had to endure under Myotismon and the defiance that burned inside her as she tried to hypnotise him to no avail with those infamous eyes. He decided there would be no point torturing her. She would have to be done quick.

Takeru told me again not to open the gate.

I looked from him to my Gato wondering if friendship was truly stronger than love.

I made up my mind.

"Gatomon Warp-Digivolve!" I yelled as Takeru flung himself in front of me to stop me from passing through had I opened the gate directly; but nothing happened.

I yelled it again.

Nothing happened again.

"He's already done it, it's just another recording," said Takeru as he picked himself off the floor but I wouldn't listen, I couldn't.

Gatomon was crying, calling out for me to help.

I hit my device on the table and yelled it out for a third time.

Daemon disintegrated her.

The rest went slowly. The only thing I was thankful for in years to come was that I had been crying so much, that the horrors in front of my face were barely visible. But I could hear their screams as they lost arms, pelts, flowers, wings and fins, and their pleas for help haunt my very being to this day.

But those pleas were nothing compared to the silence that enveloped them as they realised that we really weren't coming. Agumon used the last of his energy to say "I thought you guys were our friends," and I thought that I could not ever feel more totally devastated than at that moment; not only to see so many lives shattered, all broken and alone amongst friends, curling up into foetal positions and crying long after their tear ducts had dried up; but that I knew deep down in my very heart of hearts that it was all my fault simply because I had made the one I loved chase me.


	14. 14 In The End

It didn't take long for Takeru to put forward the first part of his theory. Daisuke was trying to figure out a way to get back. The presence of Takeru's computer, which had previously been Ken's and his brother's before that, in Daisuke's apartment all but confirmed it.

"What made you think to check?" I asked, not wanting to take the thought process further just yet.

"It was like Ken said, Daisuke would never give in, no matter what. I knew from Yamato that mother had been broken into, and you were there when the detective told us about the emails to various 'programmers', which was obviously just code for hackers, and I put two and two together. I asked Ken if Daisuke would have known about the significance of the computer and when he answered affirmative, one thing lead to another and I wound up with a vase cracked over my head,"

We all knew where Takeru was going, there was only one person who could have known what Daisuke was trying to do. I didn't want to ask. I would have been fine just thinking that the police would eventually find evidence and we could have nothing to do with it.

But Iori asked instead.

"So who knew?" We both looked at him for a second before he realised, "No, but he can't have, where's the proof?"

Takeru took out the camera. My old camera. It had been state of the art nine years ago, but now it was a relic. It did however have memory card capabilities, and it was a memory card that Takeru pulled out of it.

"I found this behind a side panel on the computer in Daisuke's wardrobe," he replaced it and turned the camera on, "it seems that Daisuke really was a stalker," he handed me the camera and I looked at the photo on the screen. It was hard to make out on such a small screen, I had to squint but I could just make out the scene, "but he wasn't stalking you."

There was a man hiding in the bushes, with a camera obscuring his face. But that was still enough for me to identify him. The next photo was taken from behind the man as he himself was taking a photo at the building that could be seen in front of him. There was only one light on in the building. I counted the floors. I counted the apartments across.

I zoomed in even though I knew what must have been visible in the window.

Grainy as the screen was I could make out what was going on in the window. It helped that I had seen the scene from this point of view just yesterday, printed and in full colour, at the end of the pile of photos the detective had shown me.

"But they were on Daisuke's email, how could…" I stopped myself and internally asked a question that had never occurred to me before. Why would they be saved to his email account and not his hard drive?

"It was blackmail, a pretty sloppy attempt, but blackmail nonetheless. He must have been trying to convince Daisuke to stop and using the threat of harm to you, but when that didn't work he did the only thing he could to protect us, and that was kill Daisuke,"

I really wished I could be sarcastic and make some remark about how this was the real world and not one of Takeru's stories, but it all made so much sense, and the evidence was right in front of me.

"What about the phone? Why text me?"

"Maybe he thought that if you were involved in the case somehow, you would be able to feed him information about what the police were looking for,"

I remembered how he had comforted me and realised that it fit, it all fit, it had to be him. And to think I thought that he was the only one I could rely on.

"We should go to the police," It was Iori butting in again, I didn't think it was possible but I was getting more annoyed with him at the moment than I was with Takeru. And I was always mad at Takeru.

"No, we need to confront him." Takeru agreed with me.

"It could all just have a reasonable explanation."

"What if there isn't? What if we are about to walk right into the lair of a murderer?" asked Iori.

I went into Taichi's room and after rummaging around for a couple of minutes returned with a blank tape and the cassette recorder.

"Then we'll get a confession,"

…

The ride over to Koushiro's was quiet, and not just because of the unmanly amount of sound coming from under the Prius' bonnet. We were trying to take our minds off what we were about to do.

Accusing someone of murder didn't happen every day.

Iori had asked me as he drove about what I'd said earlier about Ken and Daisuke and I told him what had happened last night and what Ken had told me. When he asked why Ken had come over to mine and not his parents, I reminded him that Ken's parents lived on the other side of town, and he had had work in the morning. The conversation had ended there.

When we arrived at his block we parked next to his car. He was definitely here.

I thought about what I was going to say to him. Would I be able to keep cool and get him to confess? Or would I just blurt it out and start yelling at him that even with the world at stake, Daisuke had been his friend and deserved better than a knife in the back? Would I even be able to look him in the eye?

We reached his floor.

What if his parents were home? What would we do then?

Takeru knocked on the door and it swung open. The sound of classical music wafted through the opening. It wasn't particularly loud, but it was enough for me to pause and let Takeru and Iori take their shoes off first. The music was getting louder as the two boys called out Koushiro's name and stepped inside the house proper. As I removed my shoes, strangely I realised I knew the song from long ago, back when we were little and we still lived in Hikarigaoka, mother used to play it to us to try and give us a little bit of European culture. The music was horribly inappropriate for the situation and I felt a shiver down my spine as a drum crashed and the music once again became louder.

As we walked through towards the door to Koushiro's study the pace of the song quickened slightly and I froze. Takeru opened the door to the study and introduced himself. I couldn't see what was happening because Iori was blocking my view, but when Takeru came out white as a sheet I knew we had got it all horribly wrong.

The music continued building higher and louder, the instrumentalists becoming more frantic with their playing as I edged closer, feeling that I knew exactly what I would find once inside.

Koushiro was slumped over his keyboard.

This time the knife handle was clearly visible, silhouetted against his screensaver.

I wasn't sure if I was more shocked that he was dead or that his computer screensaver was a picture of me.

...

"Oh no! Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no!"

"Calm down, Hikari!"

"No I will not; you know what they're going to think don't you?"

"It doesn't take a genius; you should go,"

"But, I'm on the freaking screen!"

"It won't be the same guy, we'll cover for you. Besides, someone should remove his device so we don't get asked awkward questions,"

"Fine, is that it there Iori?"

"Yeah, and I found this too,"

"That's not a pinePhone, he's such a pineApple freak it can't be his,"

"Look at that last message,"

"Shit, that's the message I got from Daisuke,"

"Iori, give it to her and Hikari get out of here, go home and wait for us to get back before you talk to anyone, okay."

"But, it doesn't make sense!"

"Hikari, you can think about it as much as you want once you're gone but the longer we stand around here arguing over the body the worse it looks so just go,"

I didn't know what to think and yet my mind raced. Everything spun and twisted inside my head until all that was left was those two last words.

I went.


	15. 15 Creep

The man takes a look at the newspaper and succeeds in his mission to take none of it in.

He practices using his peripheral vision and through it he checks for the thousandth time that she is still there. She is.

She is still franticly searching through the phone in her hands. It is of no consequence. He hears the familiar chime and the voice cuts through announcing the next stop. The girl seems even more surprised than the last time. She must truly be distracted.

That pleases him. This will be easy. Too easy.

He stops his line of thought.

He knows he can't think like that, he might let his guard down. He flips a page for authenticity, but he knows he is invisible, a ghost. He even lets a smile play on his lips because he is that good, a master of the game.

He has been watching her for a while now and he almost wishes that he could do this forever, but he knows that the ending is inevitable.

The girl is too pretty to watch forever.

It will be over soon.

The girl's interest is piqued by the announcement once again.

He folds his paper and stands, daring to brush past her as she exits the train.

After the exit he pauses and pretends to tie his laces out of sight.

He stares at her body as she walks away from him hurriedly. He starts walking quickly in the same direction again, anything to get closer to that alluring figure.

He takes a deep breath and slows his pace. He pretends to interest himself in a nearby map, casually putting some distance between himself and her. Careful.

The view is slightly diminished from this far back, but no less pleasing.

He continues following like always.

He eventually reaches her apartment block and it saddens him to stop the pursuit.

He waits, looking up at her residence and hoping against hope that she won't give him a reason to end it.

He sees something strange and unexpected.

He smiles resignedly as he realises that the following is over.

A shame yes, but what follows the pursuit is always much more fun.


	16. 16 Little Sister

"What the hell are you doing?"

I was surrounded by carnage and destruction. Pillows were all over the floor. Entire drawers had been ripped from their housings and their contents strewn across the entirety of the room. Socks hung from light fittings and posters hung at odd angles. And there I was amongst it all, on Taichi's bed, contemplating life.

And the other thing.

"What the hell are you doing?" I shot back; a fine example of my famous witty comebacks.

Taichi looked down at his foot which had stopped in mid-air as he had reacted to the scene in front of his eyes as he had attempted to sneak into the house from the balcony. He placed his foot down and looked back at me, and at what I was cradling.

"No, you first."

If it had been any other time I would've torn strips off him and yelled questions about how he managed to get to our balcony on the fifth floor without entering through the front door. I would have let him have it for not being there for his sister when she had so clearly needed support.

But not now.

"He's gone," is all I said, and interested myself in what I was holding.

Taichi came over, almost tripping over an old CD player that I'd thrown to the ground earlier. He sat down next to me on the bed and took the bottle from my reluctant hands.

"This was full last time I checked,"

"I drank it,"

"I can see that, but why?"

"I think he loved me,"

"Of course he did Hikari, that's why he left isn't it?"

"Not him, not Daisuke,"

"Who then, who's gone?"

"Koushiro," He took a couple of seconds to digest it.

"And he's...?"

"Murdered. Knife to the back. Just like Daisuke."

Taichi drained the rest of the bottle.

He asked how I knew.

I told him what had happened.

"Okay," he paused, trying to hold back whatever was racing through his mind, "so why does that mean you get to drink all of my twelve year old whiskey,"

"I've been thinking about the Ocean a lot. What happened, how he was the one who made it impossible for us to get back, how he'd made sure we were still the only ones who knew about it all, how now with him gone there is no way we could get back even if there was a there to go back to, but also how much I wish I'd just let the Ocean take me before and all this pain and suffering I've gone through would never have happened. Is that wrong? To want to forget so bad, that you wish a past on everyone you care about worse than the past that has already happened,"

"No, what's wrong is your choice of liquor,"

"Huh?"

He got up and motioned for me to follow him out towards the balcony.

I followed, gingerly.

"Scotch Whiskey makes you depressed," He climbed onto the ledge and jumped over the small gap between our balcony and our neighbours', "You need tequila to make you forget. Come on I've done this loads of times, much more drunk than you are right now,"

"Why can't you just bring the tequila to me?"

"Can you imagine what mother would say if she found you in the state you're in? You need somewhere to pass out, and I know just he place,"

I was too far gone to argue any more. I'd tried. Wasn't that enough?

Taichi helped me over the first gap, and the next. Before I knew it we were in some stranger's living room, each with a bottle of tequila that he had pulled from a very loudly clinking backpack.

"Whose place is this?"

"The Matsuada's, they only use this apartment at New Year's,"

I wasn't sure if it was delayed vertigo or the alcohol but my head spun as I took my first swig of tequila. Taichi asked if I wanted a chaser, but I was past the point where my tastebuds had any say in what went down my throat.

As we drank, I told him about the messages on Daisuke's phone from Koushiro. Koushiro had sent him the email address and password and from time to time would make a threat via his personally encrypted phone and direct Daisuke to check the email for a high resolution image, just to let him know how close he could get to me without anyone noticing. After Daisuke reverse stalked him and he found out it was Koushiro, he flipped the blackmail back onto him and the threats stopped. Koushiro, changed tack completely and started appealing to him not to open the gate for the good of humanity, this was the part where he admitted that he was deeply and madly in love with me and that he never would have harmed me. He said that since he had the pictures he thought he could use them to his advantage, since he was so desperate for Daisuke not to go back, but from what I could tell Daisuke wasn't having a bar of it. I still couldn't explain how Koushiro managed to get Daisuke's phone, I was pretty sure it meant that he had tried to steal the computer and found him dead, seen the phone and taken it instead of the computer to stop the police finding out.

Or at least that was what I tried to tell Taichi. The amount of detail I managed to impart in my state was up for debate, but I think I remember getting the main points in.

I remember we talked about less serious stuff after that, you know, brother/sister nostalgia and teasing without all the bullshit we'd been heaping on each other recently. Somewhere near the end of our bottles the conversation went back to Daisuke and I remember happily saying how stupid I'd been choosing Takeru over him.

Taichi said something about how Daisuke must have really loved me to let me have the space to choose Takeru.

I said something about how stupid it was that Koushiro had liked me all this time and I never knew because if I had back then when Takeru and Daisuke were locking horns I might have just gone and run away from them both and into Koushiro's arms.

Taichi remarked that they were all good guys and that it was a shame they had had to die.

This brought me down a bit, remembering that they weren't among the living, and I slumped on my brother's shoulder and grabbed his hand for support. I looked up at him and asked why they all had to fall in love with me and he kissed me on the forehead before saying that I made it impossible not to.

He added that he wished he could've protected me from all of this, he wished I'd never got that text.

I said that he sounded like Daisuke when he was drunk and gave him a cheeky kiss on the cheek before saying that at least I still had my loving brother, who I still loved despite the fact he never told me about his relationship with Sorato, which I was totally open minded about and okay with. That was what I said anyway.

He said it didn't matter now because it was all over, he couldn't go back there. He asked if I was really okay with everything I'd found out about Koushiro and Daisuke and I told him that if I'd known about how Daisuke was trying to go back and how Koushiro was stalking me, I probably would've killed them myself.

Exaggeration is a bitch.

Because Taichi said he had done so, so that I wouldn't find out and get hurt. And then he kissed me passionately on the lips. I closed my eyes for a moment and imagined that it was Daisuke.

It was a damned good kiss.

But then I pushed him away. No, he couldn't have just done that. He was my brother! The murk shifted for a moment and I realised just who it was that he had left Sorato for, and oh God did he just admit to murder?

The door flew open and someone shouted something but I wasn't listening, I couldn't.

Taichi said something to me and I just stared at him and said yes. He kissed me again in the same place and jumped off the couch and ran to the balcony as I finished my sentence with 'of course; you're my brother,' but the man from the doorway spoke over the top of me for Taichi to stop and he didn't hear.

Taichi was at the balcony door now and throwing it open as the man from the doorway passed me as I stood up from the couch and followed them groggily.

I saw that Taichi had cleared the first gap by the time I was outside but the man was catching up, even as he called furiously into a communicator something that I don't remember.

Taichi reached the next gap and looked back and slipped.

I remember calling out his name.

And from then I don't remember a thing.


	17. 17 No Secrets

My head pounded, my mouth was dry, I could hear my heartbeat and it hurt my head.

I couldn't quite figure out why.

I thought for a moment and it hurt some more.

I'd been drinking, that was it, but I didn't remember getting into a bed. From the general feel of things I was still dressed, which was a plus. There wasn't a strange presence next to me in bed either, which was also a plus.

I opened my eyes, and was blinded by the light, so I shut them again.

Hello there again darkness.

I lay like that for a moment, revelling in the simplicity of silence and lack of light. The symbolism escaped me.

A name drifted through my head as I tried not to think about anything and just enjoy the nothingness.

The name was Taichi.

_ Taichi_.

I let it float around for a bit, it was a nice name, a strong-but-gentle name, my brother's name.

I love my brother, I thought happily, and my brother loves me.

Something about that last bit made my head hurt more.

My brother loves me, I thought again.

It hurt again.

Realisation hit. Hard. Oh God my brother _loves _me.

And he slipped off the balcony.

Oh God, "Taichi!" I yelled as I sat bolt upright opened my eyes to find that this was not my beautiful bedroom. The walls were fuzzy but they were definitely a darker colour than my room and the bed wasn't in the right place, and where the hell was I?

"So Sleeping Beauty awakens without the kiss of Prince Charming, do you want a drink? Some aspirin?"

I looked toward the door but the light was brighter over there despite the vertically imposing figure in the doorway. I couldn't quite make out who it was, it looked a bit like Jou, but it sounded nothing like him.

"Who are- what am I doing- where am I?" was all I got out before he moved closer and I could make out the soft features and flowing locks. I was still confused.

"Ken and your ex brought you here last night, you were drifting in and out of consciousness and you had me really worried," he handed me the glass of water and I drank gratefully, "but not half as worried as I was after I found out about what happened,"

I asked Ichiro what they had said and how they knew what happened.

"Blondie was waiting to talk to you about something, and Ken said he was supposed to be crashing at yours, but since there was no one home they were chilling outside your door when some undercover cop busted into your neighbour's place and came out with your brother in handcuffs."

"So he's okay! Thank God," I breathed a sigh of relief before, screwing my face up as I tried to remember.

"Well, if you count being in jail for murder as okay, sure,"

"No, but he slipped, he was about to fall, I thought..." I paused as I tried to remember how close the detective was to my brother when he tripped, he had made up a lot of ground, could he have got there in time? "I thought he'd gone off, and, you know. _Away_," Ichiro put an arm around me, and continued in his soothing tone.

"Well they saw him come out alive, so there's no need to worry,"

"But how did the guy know he'd done it?"

"Not sure, but I found this in your pocket," he showed me something small that I could barely see, "it's a listening device, so your brother must have said something incriminating enough to get him arrested,"

I closed my eyes and leant into him some more. He was very comfortable.

We sat like that for a short while. I was thankful for the silence, but thankful that I was here, in his arms, safe and secure, even if I was severely hung-over. Mother most certainly would not have been pleased to see me like this.

I looked up at him, as I always did, as I always had to, and saw him deep in thought. Did this mean we were back together? I didn't know, but I didn't need to bring it up, our status was of no consequence at all. He was there for me and that was all that mattered.

I wondered what he was thinking about. Was he worried that he might have been able to prevent this? Was he scared that he'd been too harsh, too aloof when he'd told me he had some things to take care of? Or was he thinking about them now, wondering if he should open up and bring me into whatever troubles he was having? That was probably it, but I knew there was still something between us stopping him from being entirely honest with me, and I knew exactly what it was. As much as the silence was soothing my headache I knew I had to break it.

"Hey," I said, the words sounding far off and alien in the din of soundlessness around us, "I think..." I trailed off. What did I think? Where should I start? "I think you deserve to know,"

"Know what exactly?"

"Everything, my story, my life, then maybe if you can get past that you'll understand when I tell you what I've been going through the past few days,"

He didn't look at me, still lost in thought, thinking, always thinking. Then he turned to me and spoke.

"I think it's you who deserves the confession, not me," I raised an eyebrow but let him continue, "You see, I've been waiting a long time for this moment and I've come to realise over that time that it's not fair on you to confess without me coming clean first," his hands were shaking, something that I had never seen before, he was always so confident, so sure of himself, it wasn't like him at all to be nervous, "I knew from the moment I saw you that you were the one for me. I know they say not to judge a book by its cover, but sometimes you just know. I knew, and... I _know_."

I wasn't sure where he was going with this, but maybe that was the hangover stopping me from thinking terribly clearly. He saw the look on my face and continued.

"I don't mean at the baseball game, I saw you long before that, eight years ago, on the net," I couldn't believe what he was saying, it was impossible. "You and the blonde one, saving the world with your little friends, you were just so... beautiful, determined, perfect... eight years and I still can't describe it with mere words,"

"But how can you, Koushiro made everyone forget, the codes in the wi-fi, stuffing with brain wave patterns, you could only remember if..."

"If you had experienced 'a profound emotional connection', that's what I had Hikari, you were my shining light. For years I thought I was mad because no one else remembered and then you sat next to me at the game and I knew it was fate, not madness that had shaped my life up until that point,"

My mind was spinning and it hurt. And not just from last night.

I asked exactly how much he knew, and he told me.

He gave me the lot.

Hikarigaoka.

The first summer.

The war online.

The second chapter.

The return of the online threat (which by all accounts he had witnessed first-hand).

And the true and tragic end, as complete as I could bear.

It took him a long time, making sure I knew exactly how much he knew, including my relationships with Daisuke and 'The Blonde One' as he so perfectly referred to Takeru as. He even made sure that I knew that he knew our partners were just that: partners and friends, not pets, not mindless fighting machines, but real with personality and soul.

By the time he had finished my headache remained, but I'd been shocked into thinking more clearly. This severely cut down what I needed to tell him and I wasn't quite sure what I felt about him knowing and keeping quiet about it all this time, but that wasn't at the forefront of my mind.

Because just like the dog in the night-time, just like Takeru's idiotic story, it was what he didn't say that gave it all away.

Images and secrets filled my head for the first time since that fateful day three years ago, of the true atrocities that Daemon committed. All the things we swore we would never reveal to those not there.

As all that came back I had but one question to ask of the man next to me.

"Where's the computer?"

...

Ichiro had some more explaining to do, and he did. Just as I had gathered, Daisuke had hired him to do what Koushiro said could not be done, to find a way through the dimensions, without tearing holes in the spatial continuum. Ichiro went over the details about how he'd extracted the relevant code by removing everything that should have been there, and extrapolated a simulation of its workings onto a laptop, thus removing any danger of actually breaking through Koushiro's barrier as he experimented.

He would go over to Daisuke's apartment every so often to report his progress and to gather more data from the source, over time they built up a trust and soon they both knew about each other's past and current affections toward me. So when Koushiro began trying to blackmail Daisuke into abandoning his plot to re-enter the other world, it was easy for Ichiro to provide a spectacle of us that no self-respecting stalker could pass up, and Daisuke was able to snap the incriminating photo and they could get back on with their work.

I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt that he'd used me, but honestly, I haven't had a better night's sex than that night we did it with the lights on up against the windows in his apartment, and I'm fairly certain Ichiro hasn't either.

Of course, when Daisuke was found dead, Ichiro assumed that the threat was much greater and more sinister than Koushiro, and so he pushed me away in case they came after him as well, not knowing that I was probably suspect number one at the time. He waited a couple of days before making a run for the computer, and ran into Takeru looking for the same thing.

I felt a swell of pride when I realised that he must have been the one to crack the vase over Takeru's head. When he said he felt sorry, and I told him not to be, he narrowed his eyes at me and I told him that it could wait.

I asked him why Daisuke wanted to go back, and he said that he was going to round everyone up, find our friends, and take the world back from the forces that had escaped the Dark Ocean; wasn't it obvious?

I hesitated and he continued.

He'd almost cracked it; there was just a few things he needed to tweak involving Daisuke's device and its portal opening capabilities and in theory we should all be able to travel through without damaging the barrier and giving Daemon a weakness to exploit in order to travel through to the real world.

Again I hesitated, but this time I asked why Daisuke had chosen now. ichiro honestly didn't know. Maybe he just felt the time was right, maybe it was just because he finally had enough money to finance such a high quality hacker, the only thing he was sure of was that it wasn't a ploy to get me back, Daisuke wanted to make up for not being there three years ago and that was all Ichiro could gather.

He asked me if I was ready to tell him all that had happened over the last few days, and I thought back to Miyako's comment from a few days ago, that honesty was the pillar of a good relationship. And because she and Ken hadn't been honest with each other, they and their children looked like they were going to be ruined for the rest of their lives.

I started by explaining why I hated Takeru, and then I launched into the last few days, being honest about the reasons I went over to Daisuke's given such little incentive, even though I couldn't for the life of me remember what Ichiro and I had been fighting about before that day. I told him about how I'd almost started thinking Koushiro would be my saviour, and how I realised that I could have loved him, and that I still loved Daisuke, and I also told him just how low I got when he broke up with me. I told him how I spiralled into despair after we found Koushiro's body, and left no detail out that I knew of in relation to my brother's behaviour the night before, and just who I had been thinking about when he kissed me. I didn't even know if it meant anything. I hoped it didn't, and I told him that.

Ichiro took it well, he didn't blame me for being mad at him, and it was only natural for Daisuke to come to mind considering just how much I'd been forced to think about him recently. What he was more interested in was what I thought about Taichi, and I realised that I hadn't really had much time to process that whole scenario. I said that I didn't know if I wanted to believe that he had killed the other two for me, or whether I wanted to believe that he'd lied about it, and I wasn't quite sure which was worse. Either way, I had to accept that he had feelings for me that I just couldn't ever reciprocate, and that I would live the rest of my life knowing that he was an extremely good kisser and knowing the reason why I knew it.

We were quiet for a while after all of that heavy discussion. My headache was going away, despite the thoughts and admissions I was having and having to make.

Ichiro eventually asked me something that he admitted he probably should have asked months ago. Did I actually want him to open the gate?

I thought about it, and all I said was no. I thought about the attack on Priory Village, again. The regenerated eggs of our friends being destroyed before they could hatch, life gone before it could start again, the memory that shocked us all so much that we could never even tell Jou or Daisuke about it; I remembered and this time I burst out crying.

Ichiro asked what was wrong, and I told him that it had all been for nothing. Evil had won. All that was left was a memory, and no one would ever know.

He said I was wrong, and left the room.

When he returned I saw what was in his hands and wanted to hurt him. I wanted to throw the object in his hands on the ground and jump on the little tiny pieces until there was nothing left. But I was just too emotionally wrecked to move. It had all caught up with me.

He said despite what I thought, we still had this, everyone did.

He put it in the player and I watched, objecting inwardly. I heard the same music come through the speakers as had been playing last night when I found Koushiro. Ravel's Bolero.

They had really made it true to Takeru's story. That was what mother had been playing to us that week before our lives were all turned upside down forever.

I watched the pilot. And then I watched the first episode to see if it was just as good. It was. It was even better than what he had written. Beautiful.

But I had seen enough.

I thought about the falsified ending, and for the first time I thought I understood. A metaphor.

I made a call to a number that wasn't in my contacts list anymore, but had called me just a few days ago, a number I thought I would never call again. I only said two words, but that was all I needed to say.

"I'm sorry,"


End file.
